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Fat chicks I really dig.

Before I begin my list I should probably put a disclaimer here that I have NO idea if these gals would appreciate even a tiny little bit me calling them fat chicks. I feel certain my shrink would disapprove profoundly. I’m gonna let it stand and here’s why: The word “chick” makes being a woman a very cool thing cuz the word “woman” can often sound like either an ancient being of whom you only speak with respect whether you feel it or not, or it can also sound like you are referring to … the Queen. I’m too young and too hip to be called “woman” all the time. Only when I’m trying to win an argument or something. The word girl makes us/me sound like a naïve pushover. So I like the word chick sometimes. Sue me. And the word Fat … it kinda works on the same principle as the “N” word. I mean, it doesn’t have the same history or power and I don’t mean to suggest it does, but the principle is the same in that the word “Fat” has been slung at us as a horrible and cutting and derogatory term and I kinda want to take it back.

That’s why. Now here’s my list.

1) Kathy Najimy. Now … I guess she’s not really fat anymore, but she’s not thin. I dig her for a few reasons. 1) I met her when my gal pal Christy cast me to do a voice on King of the Hill. Kathy was the boss of all the actors, if you know what I mean. She was the goddess and she ruled the school and everybody followed her lead. In the booth … she was genius and gave me shit which made me feel like part of the clan. 2) She’s hilarious which is reason enough to dig her largely. I have been a fan for some time because I was blown away the first time I saw the Kathy and Mo show on HBO. 3) She was really fat (but still VERY adorable) and lost a lot of weigh. I don’t know how she did it and I don’t really care. I don’t care if she had surgery or hired an expensive trainer. I don’t care. She decided it was time to lose it and she lost it. And you know what else I love about Ms. Najimy? 4) She insisted on starting in small roles and not getting too much too soon. She didn’t want to blow it out early. Do you remember her scene stealing role in The Fisher King? It’s one of my favorite things about that film. And finally, 5) I dig her because apparently she loves her life. While in the “green room” she didn’t lament what she doesn’t have or bitch and complain about how the industry doesn’t appreciate her. She digs her life and doesn’t seem to waste any time looking over her backyard fence.

2) Oprah. Again, Oprah isn’t fat like she used to be and she has been all kinds of sizes, but she has struggled with her weight in a global arena so I am gonna call her a fat chick I dig. In fact, for those of you who know me, she should probably be number one. I watch this gal daily and when she is in reruns I go through a certain amount of withdrawal. She’s gonna stop doing her show in 2011 and I’m gearing up for a month of me on the bed in the fetal position whimpering and calling her name. I like O because she does good things, she makes me feel like anything is possible, she fights her weight on a global stage and she keeps a mostly good attitude about it. I just want to say one thing to the gal who told me she had a friend who worked on the Oprah Show and said O was not a nice lady: I don’t care. Cuz here’s the thing, I have managed restaurants and trained waiters and produced stage shows and I was called a lot of things when I worked those jobs; nice was not one of them. When you are the boss, you can’t always be nice. Only a woman is expected to be nice all the freakin’ time. As far as I’m concerned, put your hurt feelings in your pocket while in a professional environment. I don’t have time or energy to spare tip-toeing around your feelings. There is a job to get done. If Oprah is a bitch, then all I can say is … it seems to be working for her.

3) Cameryn Manheim. (yes, Sally) I don’t know her from Adam but … I stood behind her in line for a show at The Groundlings Theater on Melrose Ave. in LA one time several years ago. She had lost a lot of weight at that point and was not fat but also was not thin. I eaves dropped on her conversation because that’s what you do when you stand behind an Emmy Award Winning actress in line. I don’t EXACTLY remember what she talked about. I remember what she did NOT talk about. She didn’t talk about her body or her weight or her work. I think she talked about a birthday party and some friends visiting and stuff like that. She laughed from the gut and from the heart. She didn’t expect to be jumped to the front of the line because she is famous. She was unassuming and adorable and happy and I liked her energy quite a lot. Oh and she’s an Emmy Award Winning actress and she’s fat. In her acceptance speech she said that award was for all the fat girls and that included me. So, I guess I have an Emmy also.

4) Melissa McCarthy. If you don’t know this name, she’s the super adorable gal from Gilmore Girls, The Nines and now Samantha Who (pictured above). I really dig her for a few reasons. One is that she is REALLY adorable. Another is that she is truly, truly hilarious. She is (or was) a Groundling and I recently saw her perform at The (above mentioned) Groundlings Theater on Melrose Ave. in a show called “Beverly Winwood’s Playhouse.” She almost made me piss myself. No, I’m not gonna do that “peed a little” joke because I hate it and never wanna hear it again and because it’s not accurate. She almost made me full on piss myself because she was so freakin’ funny. (by the by, I auditioned for her role on Gilmore Girls and I KILLED IT. I thought it was sort of … in the bag for me. Then I saw her perform and realized why she got cast. She’s astonishing. Really.) And the final reason I really super dig her is because we are only one degree removed. We have a mutual friend (who is also super talented and adorable) named Sam Pancake. Look him up. You’ll know his face when you see him. Anyhoo, he knows everybody but he is good friends with Melissa and he says amazing things about her as a person. I dig him and he digs her so … I dig her.

5) Kathy Bates. Come on. Academy Award Winner for her kick ass role in Misery with James Caan. Got naked in About Schmidt. Stays out of the Tabloids. Oh and … I’ve done two films with her. OH, YES I HAVE! Now, my roles were small and unforgettable but I did them and got paid for them and have them on my resume JUST the same. AND AND AND … for the first one, My Sister’s Keeper for the Hallmark channel where I have one line and play a waitress — for THAT one, Kathy had the table read at her house. And I was invited to read my one line at the table read at her house. Uh huh. I was. And I went. To her house. I got to meet Kathy in person and I got to meet Lynn Redgrave and Elizabeth Perkins. And I got to see Kathy’s house. I AM NOT LYING, PEOPLE! I didn’t take any pictures because I didn’t want to look like a dork, but this TOTALLY happened. And for the second one, Little Black Book, I had a fun and UNforgettable scene with Brittany Murphy and Rashida Jones. And I got to go to the table read for THAT also. That was cool because I was strangely connected to some of the celebs at that table read. Like Brittany does a voice on King of the Hill and my friend Christy Stratton is a co-executive producer on that show. My friend Carolyn Hennesy had understudied Sharon Lawrence at the Taper (I think it was the Taper). Oh and … I had already worked with Kathy Bates and been to her house. (Holly Hunter was there and Ron Livingston and Stephen Tobolowksy … it was cool) I’ve been to Kathy Bates’ house. I dig her.

6) Rusty Schwimmer. You may not know Rusty. She is pictured above underneath Melissa. You need to trust me on this. Rent “A Little Princess.” Her performance in that is stellar. She has also been in Twister, Ed TV, Perfect Storm, The Runaway Jury, North Country, The Guardian (which I was also on), Gilmore Girls, and a great role on Six Feet Under to mention a few. I dig her LARGELY, at the risk of being “punny.” I met her when I was working in commercial casting as an assistant to Annelise Collins who was a big fan of Rusty’s. Rusty had long since stopped auditioning for commercials but, because she is so freakin’ cool, she continued to come in for Annelise because Annelise had helped jump start Rusty’s career somehow back in New York when the two of them were there at the same time. I don’t remember the story. I do remember Rusty walking into the lobby and being a presence and being cool and having an amazing laugh. Turned out, she is friends with my friend Romy Rosemont so we got to be just a LITTLE bit chummy. She “stole” a couple of roles from me over the years, but she also recommended me for a couple of roles. She is underrated, underutilized and, man … what a ponem! I dig her. Please check her out on DVD. You won’t regret it.

7) Mo’Nique. Oh yes. Mo’Nique. She did a movie that I never saw called “Phat Girlz.” What I dug about the whole thing was, out of the blue that film started this whole crazy debate about being fat in the black community. It has never been a source of shame to be a large woman in the black community, as I understand it. But recently there has been discussion about how high blood pressure, diabetes and heart disease disproportionately afflict black people and her film sparked a debate about the issue of cultural acceptance vs. health risks. I’m sorry but … kudos. I love any large woman who loves herself. I love any woman of ANY size who loves herself. And I certainly love any woman who sparks a debate on the topic of weight whether it is intentional or not. You go, with your whole open marriage and large and in charge attitude. Girl. I dig you.

So that’s my list. I may actually have forgotten a gal or two and if I think of them I will include them later. This is far too long already. But look, there are a lot of fat chicks to love and lots of reasons to love them. And I hope I don’t get sued for calling them fat.