Tail Wagging the Blog

Lots of folks have asked me my feelings on Gastric Bypass and Lap Band surgery being that I have struggled with weight issues all my life. Well, I think adults can make their own decisions for their own lives and their own bodies. I believe in doing whatever is necessary to be happy and feel good about life and yourself. I suggest starting with therapy and some self-help literature, but adults can decide that for themselves. If they wanna end up looking like the Cat Woman or Joan Rivers who’s face she admits doesn’t move anymore, then GOOD ON YA! “But Alex …” you ask, “how do you feel about these surgeries for teens?” Hmmmm … that’s a complicated thing, huh? Or at least it is a complicated topic for someone who was a fat teen.

Okay, well … between the two I think the better choice is the Lap Band thing because you aren’t getting organs cut or rearranged, you don’t have useless organs left inside your body to do … I don’t know what, and it’s reversible if you, say, want to have a child or some such CRAZY thing like that. Also, Dr. Oz gave it the nod and I believe everything he says because he has hypnotized me with his knowledge, good looks and the Oprah tattoo over his heart (he doesn’t have an Oprah tattoo, calm down). But for teens?

Having been a fat teen I have a couple of reactions to this notion. If someone had told me when I was a fat teen that there was this surgery that would hinder my food intake and I would lose weight and it was adjustable and reversible and I would still be able to eat whatever I wanted just in super tiny sized portions … I would have jumped at it. I would have begged and borrowed and sold my body and gone into a cult and offered my first born (which would have been a joke on them since I’m not having kids) … I would have done ANYTHING if it would have given me a better relationship with my body and a more confident outlook on life and given me thighs that didn’t rub together so much I got a rash.

On the other hand … growing up fat is part of what formed me as an adult human being. Being a fat person is a large part of what has built my character. Being overweight is part of what caused me to be self-analytical and introspective. Being insecure about my worth is part of what made me funny. Well, some people think I’m funny. I CAN BE FUNNY, DAMMIT. BACK OFF! Being insecure had a weird backlash effect where I was simultaneously sure that I was worth nothing while at the same time not ABOUT to let anybody treat me like shit without an embarrassing scene. As comedian Judy Toll put it (G-d rest her soul), “I am a piece of shit around which the world revolves.”

Also, having a fat kid or any kind of kid who walks outside the “norm” is the perfect opportunity for a parent to teach her/him and those around her/him that we are SO MUCH MORE than our bodies. Our worth is not defined by anything superficial. When did we stop teaching our kids to be good and kind and giving and polite and smart and curious? THOSE are things I would rather have around. And those things can and should bring the same amount of confidence to a kid as a flat belly and tight ass. MORE! Did we learn nothing from the movie Mask starring Cher and Eric Stoltz?

I am not convinced that teenagers’ brains (or social selves) are developed enough to be able to make life-altering decisions for themselves. But … the lap band is reversible. Right? I have not heard of anyone reversing it, but it can be done. We live in a society that values beauty and youth and IGNORANCE over … anything else. We live in a society of instant gratification and I don’t think that is helping us as a culture of people. Today’s parents want to GIVE their kids everything instead of encouraging them to earn it for themselves. What we are not giving our kids is a belief in themselves, that they can achieve and accomplish. Parents are obsessed with insuring their children never suffer. That’s not good in any way or on any level because if they never suffer they will never deepen and they will never develop compassion. On the other hand, the Columbine kids suffered. Girls are killing themselves by starving or by actually just … killing themselves because they are so unhappy in their bodies. Also, I know full grown women who suffered terribly through their teen years and are still very deeply scarred from it. They do not have the sense of appreciation I have because they look in the mirror and still see that tortured young gal.

And, sometimes we just need some help.

I guess I do not see the difference between taking a mood altering or psychotropic drug and putting a band around your stomach. They are both tools to help dampen the pain of your situation so you can clear away the fog through which you are viewing your life and the world. I think the problem is that we as a people use the tools as the solution.

But here’s what I really don’t get. I’ve been really fat so I am not talking out of my ass on this. Fat people are treated like second-class citizens for the most part. There are exceptions to every rule, but mostly they are either condescended to or treated like a disgusting bug to be stepped around. BUT … if that same fat person were to get some sort of elective surgery that would help them get to a more socially acceptable weight, then the disgust shifts from the fat to the surgery. “Harumph. Have you seen her? She has lost a lot of weight. I BET she had surgery. Should have known. She could NEVER have gotten thin without surgery.” Um … yeah. That’s why she got the surgery, Senora Logica Obviouso! So a fat person is in a lose/lose situation. THAT is why so many surgery recipients don’t tell anyone, by the by.

I tried to get surgery. I was even willing to put on more weight to get it. But I couldn’t afford it at the time. If I could get a lap band NOW, I would get it. Why? Because … I could really benefit from the help. I lost the weight under a doctor’s care with a lot of fairly costly products. Keeping it off is a daily and sometimes hourly struggle for me. I think about it ALL THE DAMN TIME!! I talk about it a LITTLE less to the delight of my beloved, but it’s on my mind every waking second. If I had something doing the regulating for me so I could focus on deeper stuff, why on earth would anyone fault me for that or deny me it? Is that how you say that? Deny me it? Well, you get my meaning.

This blog is far too long. Weight loss surgery? Yes or no? Both. There. Does that answer your question?