A hungry blog hunts best

The universe is a strange and wonderful thing. Every time I think I'm gonna quit showbiz and do something less soul decaying, I book something. Or as Michael Corleone would say ... "It pulls me back in!"

So the thing I'm doing today/tonight is a small role in a film made using guerrilla tactics (and yes, I do know the difference between strategy and tactics), but it's a gig. And the big thing for me is that I booked it on reputation and relationship. I got a phone call asking, "Hey, you wanna do this?" THAT'S the place you hope to be or hope to eventually reach. Because, like Killian says on the website, it's the auditioning that's so saddening not the work.

I bring it up here because ... I don't have time to work out. I know it must seem that I am like so many others who struggle with their weight who FIND reasons not to work out. Well to quote the character Val Clarke from A Chorus Line, "That ain't it, kid." I don't lie to myself like that. If I don't want to work out, I don't workout. But I don't mind working out. I have my TV over the treadmill and I put in a movie or cue up a show and I'm off to the races. So I'm not looking for excuses. To not workout. (just wanted to say "workout" again)

But I GET looking for excuses. I don't judge it. 'Cuz unless you can find an excercise that you enjoy it just feels like work. And even then, sometimes you just won't have time. I'm not gonna waste time beating myself up over it. I have plenty other things to waste time beating myself up over. Like ... my career.

Speaking of which, I gotta run to this wardrobe fitting to find a Police costume to fit my 5' 2" frame. It could happen.

A house without a cat or a blog is the house of a scoundrel.

Okay, so ... like ... if you are ever searching for something to do and you are feeling bored and want to know how to fill your empty hours, call me.

I told my friend Dinah once that I never get bored. She scoffed at me and said that was impossible. I wondered if it was, in fact, impossible so I have paid attention to that for 20 years. Nope. Never been bored. That I remember, anyway. I always seem to be able to find something to fill my time.

It may be pertinent here to explain that I actually ENJOY doing nothing. I enjoy laying around and day dreaming or watching the tube or surfing the net or just petting my cat. I LIKE having nothing on my itinerary for the day. So that MAY be why I have never been bored. BUT I also find that I have absolutely no trouble filling my time. None. So the days of laying around and day dreaming, watching the tube, surfing the net and petting my cat are virtually non-existent. I find myself envious of those women who call me and say, "What are you doing right now? You wanna grab a (fill in the blank with movie, drink, lunch, walk, etc)." What? How do they manage to have an extra hour with nothing to do? If I had an extra hour with nothing to do I would either find something I've been putting off doing and do that or ... day dream, watch the tube, surf the net or pet my cat. All good choices.

I always seem to have very full days. Of course, I schedule into my day that hour to watch Oprah. But since I have a page dedicated to her on my site, I now get to call that a necessity and not a luxury. But we all know the truth. STILL ... it's scheduled into my day, is what I'm saying.

Anyway, I would write more but I'm super crazy busy. I KNOW!! Sorry, I just cannot put off the petting of my cat any longer. Mañana, people.

Delinquent blogs become angelic when sitting.

Sorry to let you down but I am still busy celebrating the day of my birth. Doing nothing can be REALLY exhausting. Plus ... I only did nothing for a day. Before and now after there are many plans. And I'm sort of tired just thinking about them.

But I'll be back on Monday with some more rants. Hang in there. Don't cry.

You don't own the blog, the blog owns you

Today is my birthday. Here are the rules:

1) I can do whatever I want (before or after auditions and such)

2) Nobody gets to be mad at me.

So now I'm gonna do whatever I want which is mostly a lot of nothin'. 

The End.

Never stand between a blog and a hydrant

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm forty. I'm forty until I'm fifty. I like round numbers. It's just so much easier. I'm starting my celebration tonight with some gal pals and then continuing tomorrow night with my beloved. So you know what that means ... bloating.

Look, the battle is to find ways to celebrate without putting on 10 pounds. Councilors and life coaches would suggest finding a way to celebrate various milestones WITHOUT eating. But those people are stupid. Having a nice meal with a cocktail or two is one of my favorite things to do if not my mostest favorite. The truth is, I don't want to change that.

SO ... how do you work that out? Right? Is that what you are asking? Here's what I do and I'm gonna be serious with you for a few sentences:

1) I make sure I'm getting all 8 glasses of water in before or during or after my cocktails. It helps. You will have to pee a lot, but it's worth it. Keeps you from bloating as much. Keeps you flushed (wink, wink). Keeps you from being as hungry. Keeps you from getting too buzzed. ALL plusses.

2) I keep my calories down during the day. I eat. I do not avoid eating as that will accomplish the exact opposite of what I am hoping to accomplish. I just eat tiny portions.

3) I eat every two and a half to three hours which keeps my metabolism humming so that when I DO eat that celebratory cheese and chocolate and wine, my body will process it better and quicker and more thoroughly because my metabolism is revved.

4) I work out. I know you were hoping my plan involved some kind of magic potion or meditation that makes the calories burn faster and more efficiently, but ... I work out. And you may remember from a previous post, I have a weight vest. I wear that mother. I do.

I will still see the number on the scale increase somewhat, but it comes back down much quicker when I do the above.

So listen ... if you can find something to do to celebrate OTHER than have a lovely meal, I suggest doing that. I do it sometimes myself. But if you are more of my mindset and like little better than a taste treat for your indulgence, then just ... take precautions. And then let it go. Cuz guilt and worry are not tasty toppings for your cake and ice cream.

Always avoid: a strange blog and a man who thinks he's wise

Remember that it's about your health.

I mean, this battle we fight with the scale may not be about YOUR health, but it's about mine for sure and I'm thinking it probably SHOULD be about yours. No?

The reason I bring this up is because when I am feeling cute and pulled together, when I have energy and "mojo" (as my friend Chloe would call it) I don't really focus on my weight or the scale. And I guess there is something really positive about that. But I had pizza last night and now I'm up a pound and a half. And listen, I'm not suggesting you never have pizza. But for me, even when I made the best choice and had a salad and all that, it showed up. I can't be unconscious. EVER. That would make me feel trapped and caged if I didn't keep in mind that it's about my health.

When Matt and I were in Vegas we walked around the strip and went to various other casinos and such. That's not usually our style, but it was necessary this time as The Mirage was not being kind to us in the gambling department. We passed a couple of people who ... walking for them looked like a painful and grueling proposition. They were doin' it. To be completely fair, they were out on the strip in 90 degree weather and they were walking that mo' fo'. But it didn't look fun and it didn't look easy. It made me sweat to watch and it made Matt want to take a nap. We looked at each other and discussed how that really needs to NOT be us in 15 years.

Food is good and yummy. Booze is delightful and mood altering. But being ambulatory is one of the few things that makes life livable.

It's about your health, people. And it's about your mobility. It's worth thinking about daily. Don't gamble on your health. And if you do, don't do it at The Mirage on a weekend.

A reasonable amount of fleas keeps blogs from brooding

Comfort food.

I have many different foods that I label as comfort food. This weekend it was chicken tacos and margaritas. Mmmm. It sure made life all better.

Remember those auditions I had? I booked one of the jobs. YAY!! So NATURALLY I went online and bought some clothes cuz that's what you do. Right? Friday I felt so relaxed because I didn't have any auditions and I knew I had a job on the horizon. Saturday ... I got released from the job because I had worked on that show last season and I had a fairly substantial role and they felt it was too soon to see my face on the show again.

I went through all the stages of grief. Well ... I skipped Denial and went right to Anger. Oh, I also skipped Bargaining as there was no bargaining to be done and I went from Anger to Depression. I went from Depression to Acceptance and then BACK to Depression. I stayed in Depression with shades of Anger here and there for about a day. Then I went from Depression to Mexican Food.

Here's the thing ... it's not a good thing and I don't recommend it because eating and drinking away my uncomfortable feelings is part of what has gotten me in this overweight mess to begin with. But I sure did feel better.

DO NOT DO THIS! You guys, it's a really sinister habit to get into. But booking that job and then getting unbooked had a layered meaning to me that I won't get into here and I couldn't pop out of it. To be fair, I'm not really out of it today. I'm still struggling a little bit. But my birthday is coming up and I'm gonna have cocktails with my gal pals and that will make a lot of stuff seem better and easier.

Just remember that when you find yourself 20 pounds up on the scale, comfort eating SURELY will not help you deal with that disappointment. So when you are feeling blue, try meditating or hiking or taking a long bubble bath or some such thing instead. That stuff DOES work for me. This time I just needed a refreshing margarita ... or three.

Give a blog a finger and it wants the whole hand.

When I die I wanna go where blogs go

Do you ever have one of those days/nights where ... you are really calm about the coming day because it's almost 8 pm and the day is done and you have the next one all planned out and it's planned with some leeway cuz the schedule you have made for yourself is not tight at all? And then ... at 7:50 pm you get a call from your agent? And now you have both an audition and a callback and you are SO thankful for that but your day has been completely shot to sh*t? No? Just me?

So, dear readers and friends, I don't want you to feel as though I am neglecting you for my work, but my mornings have to be about getting my CRAP together since I couldn't face doing it the prior evening when my day was supposed to be done. Sucks for both/all of us, believe me.

I didn't over eat yesterday! So that's something. I worked out on the treadmill for a ridiculously long time. And my back is out today. YAY!! What do they say about life not throwing more at you than you can handle? Lies. All lies. ;)

More tomorrow when I am laid up from back spasms. Anyone else feeling 900 years old right now? Just me?

The blog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage.

As you may or may not remember, I check in once a month with a councilor to see how my eating is going and weigh in and check up on my general emotional and physical health. She has never once wanted to institutionalize me. Should I mistrust her? Anyhoo ... I told her I was going to Vegas and she wasn't worried about my eating because she was under the impression that there isn't much good stuff to choose from there in Vegas. Well ... OH-EMM-GEE! Turns out some of the biggest and most "rock star" chefs on the planet gravitate to Vegas. The reasoning is (rumored to be) that the casinos offer them the kitchen of their dreams, built to the chef's specifications and the restaurant has to pay it's lease but it never has to make a profit. WHAT?

I cannot begin, really, to explain how much I indulge in Vegas. I smoke too much, I drink too much, I eat too much, I gamble too much, I curse too much, I stare too much, I scratch too much, I burp too much, I shower seldom, I laugh just enough, I walk too little, I sleep too late and I worry not at all. It's why I go. This time ... oy. The food was so good and never ending. DAMN THAT BOBBY FLAY AND HIS CURSED MESA GRILL WITH THE SCRAMBLED EGG AND GOAT CHEESE ENCHILADAS!! And Boa Steakhouse. And BLT Burger. And the buffet at The Mirage. And the booze ... everywhere. How is a girl to maintain her weight in a joint like that?

I will say this. Even though I went to Vegas carrying 10 extra pounds, I looked pretty cute. Too bad we didn't take a camera. HOWEVER ... with me it usually takes three days for that kind of indulging to show up on my body. So the plan was to come home and get busy gettin' busy with my program. But then freakin' LIFE stepped in and now I am spending my morning working on an audition when I should be working out. Uh oh. Do I have my priorities mixed up?

Listen ... the point is ... I CAN go and indulge and I CAN get back to my program after. I don't have to throw the whole thing out the window and revert to bad behaviors on a daily basis. I'll keep you posted on the scale's chiding, but I am not stepping on the scale any sooner than Friday. Gotta give my body a few days to come down from it's high.

Blog show

Sorry kids. I missed yesterday and now I'm goin' out of town until Tuesday (Sept. 17th). I know you'll miss me, but I'll be back with a vengeance after I win a gazillion dollars at the slots. That happens, right?

Vegas, baby. VEGAS!!

A blog is not infected with the concept of "should"

Teach an old blog new tricks.

I got a weight vest mother chuckers! Damn straight, I did. And it’s doing the job nicely. Here’s why I realized it was a genius thing and decided to get one: When I was much bigger and I worked out everyday, the weight seemed to melt off. As you get more fit, it gets harder to drop weight and I think that’s entirely unfair. With this vest one can add back some of the weight you have dropped and trick your body into thinking you’re not as fit as you have gotten.

Be careful if you decide to go for it because I’m sure there are issues and cautionary tales. I have a screwy back and a screwy neck so I probably should have consulted with someone first. But I used to be much bigger so I figured it wasn’t much different wearing the vest than it was being bigger and I went for it. That and I didn’t want anyone to tell me not to do it cuz I was gonna do it anyway. BUT DON’T YOU DO THAT! As my parents say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” That’s not a good thing to say to your kids by the way, but that’s for someone else’s blog.

A weight vest! There are several different types at several different price points. I just got the one that Valerie Bertinelli uses cuz she talked about it on Oprah and Oprah never lets me down. Amazon has ‘em. I’ll post the link on the website next month (Oct); the Purchaseables page.

OH! And for those of you who don’t treadmill everyday like I do, you can, if you don’t feel all dorky doing it, just wear the thing around all day and that will increase weight loss also. Or … that’s what the pamphlet claims. And if you can’t believe promotional materials about a commercial product, WHO CAN YOU BELIEVE?!

Only a strong minded human appreciates a strong minded blog.

My life as a blog

This one’s for the ladies.

Don’t forget about that crazy looming hunger, bloating and weight gain connected with what I call my monthly “periodical.” So REALLY give yourself a break around this time because if you don’t you WILL end up crying. In fact, you may end up crying no matter what so be nice to yourself.

Remember to drink lots of water as I said the other day. I mean, I said it in reference to something completely different but it holds true. It holds true for a lot of stuff. Got SARS? Have you had enough water? Chicken Pox? Do you need a Brita? And actually … a cocktail is often helpful at this time of the month also. ;) I mean, it certainly doesn’t help with the bloating and water retention, but it SURE AS HELL helps with everything else. Although, you may still cry. Let’s just own it. You’re gonna cry no matter what. It may be in private or it may be over a sad movie or a sad song or a sad clown or a sad sack, but you’re gonna cry. Don’t fight it. Let it flow, sister.

Don’t go nuts and eat everything your hormonal voice demands. But don’t get all hung up either. Just ride it out.

Did I mention drinking water?

The blog represents all that is good in man

To live long, eat like a cat and drink like a blog.

You know that feeling you have when you pull out a garment from the closet and you look at it and are trying to WILL it to fit? You know that feeling when you slide those pants on and you are chanting a witch’s spell to force them to fasten? Sometimes they fasten and you smile and then … you let out the air you’ve been holding and you realize you won’t be able to make it through the day without breathing. Right? You ever done this? I’m doing a lot of it lately.

Most people gain weight in the winter when they aren’t gonna be wearing swim suits and skimpy tank tops and what not. Right? Well, I went to Cancun. And that was the beginning of the down slide. On vacation, and I know you’re similar so don’t lie, I don’t count calories and I also don’t care. But when I get back I am SUPPOSED to get back on track. But I have these two lovely friends who have a pool in their backyard. They open their pool to visitors every single weekend. It’s a party every single weekend. There is a grill and bowls of snacks and wine and booze and beer and alcohol and hooch and intoxicating beverages. And it feels like a vacation every single weekend. What do I do on vacation? I do not care. That’s what I do.

Now I’m paying the price. I still think I’m adorable. I just want my cute clothes to fit. The plan for today is to CONTINUE TO DRINK … but work out on the treadmill for an hour and a half or possibly more. When I realize that doesn’t work, I’ll adjust. But isn’t summer for drinking? And Fall? And every season?

I’m just lying to myself so I can soothe my angst. Here’s one thing I know about me. I have to drink 80 ounces of water a day to stay on the downward slope of the weight. Every person is different. I, apparently, retain water for the entire western hemisphere. I have to drink lots of water. If I choose to drink booze instead of or even in addition to the water … I can see the scale go up 3 pounds in an evening due to water retention. Let me explain something, I KNOW when I’m having a delicious cocktail that the scale is gonna go up in the AM. After that first blush of warmness, I do not give a runny poop. It’s only in the AM that I curse my choice.

So I’m gonna enjoy the drink and get off my own back until the drink bores me. It happens. IT DOES! And then I will get all moderate again and get the number on the scale to come back to normalcy. But if that number on the scale continues to upset me I know what to do to make it all seem better … have a cocktail.