To live long, eat like a cat and drink like a blog.

You know that feeling you have when you pull out a garment from the closet and you look at it and are trying to WILL it to fit? You know that feeling when you slide those pants on and you are chanting a witch’s spell to force them to fasten? Sometimes they fasten and you smile and then … you let out the air you’ve been holding and you realize you won’t be able to make it through the day without breathing. Right? You ever done this? I’m doing a lot of it lately.

Most people gain weight in the winter when they aren’t gonna be wearing swim suits and skimpy tank tops and what not. Right? Well, I went to Cancun. And that was the beginning of the down slide. On vacation, and I know you’re similar so don’t lie, I don’t count calories and I also don’t care. But when I get back I am SUPPOSED to get back on track. But I have these two lovely friends who have a pool in their backyard. They open their pool to visitors every single weekend. It’s a party every single weekend. There is a grill and bowls of snacks and wine and booze and beer and alcohol and hooch and intoxicating beverages. And it feels like a vacation every single weekend. What do I do on vacation? I do not care. That’s what I do.

Now I’m paying the price. I still think I’m adorable. I just want my cute clothes to fit. The plan for today is to CONTINUE TO DRINK … but work out on the treadmill for an hour and a half or possibly more. When I realize that doesn’t work, I’ll adjust. But isn’t summer for drinking? And Fall? And every season?

I’m just lying to myself so I can soothe my angst. Here’s one thing I know about me. I have to drink 80 ounces of water a day to stay on the downward slope of the weight. Every person is different. I, apparently, retain water for the entire western hemisphere. I have to drink lots of water. If I choose to drink booze instead of or even in addition to the water … I can see the scale go up 3 pounds in an evening due to water retention. Let me explain something, I KNOW when I’m having a delicious cocktail that the scale is gonna go up in the AM. After that first blush of warmness, I do not give a runny poop. It’s only in the AM that I curse my choice.

So I’m gonna enjoy the drink and get off my own back until the drink bores me. It happens. IT DOES! And then I will get all moderate again and get the number on the scale to come back to normalcy. But if that number on the scale continues to upset me I know what to do to make it all seem better … have a cocktail.