Holy cow! And by that I mean I saw myself on video last night and think I look like an unholy huge cow!

I'm sure that's not ENTIRELY true as I have set up that I have issues not the least of which is that I think I look like crap when I look cute AND ... vice versa. However, as I mentioned, I was in my acting class and it was scary movie night. We filmed it and watched it back. I saw myself on film, walking trepidatiously into the room and I was STUNNED that my belly preceded me into the doorway. Holy cow. I had worn black for the season and I thought I was not only adequately camoflauged but stylish and adorable. And maybe I was but it sure didn't look like it on film ... to me.

Now, that being said, I was fine with my performance. I should really focus on that since that is the purpose of the class. And I DID take that away with me. But... I looked like I had four stomachs. And they were all full. Of cud.

How do I turn this into a plus? Here's how I'm gonna do it: I have been feeling really irritated about needing to/having to count calories. It's been bugging me. Partly because I'm already going to GREAT lengths to eat all healthy and whole, so to have to count calories atop that has been bugging me. Not so much after last night. Oh no. NOW I am all, like, determined and shit. I'm pissed off. I didn't do years of work and research and sacrifice (of calories) to have a big ole belly that isn't proportional to the rest of me. Unsightly. That's some bull. So I am going to staples and buying a couple of cute little notebooks that I will enjoy writing in and I'm gonna write down every motherf'ing thing that goes into my mouth. I am going to make SURE I get my freakin' water allowance. I'm gonna get this belly in tow.

Here's the thing ... when I was on the weight LOSS plan (not the maintenance plan) I went three pounds SOUTH of my goal but that's because I got the stomach flu. Over the few weeks following that I gained those three pounds and about five more and I stayed there for a year. I was FINE with that body but I wasnt' working ... as an actress. So I decided I could hover 8 - 10 pounds up from goal, work in my category and still be healthy. AND sitll be cute. It's a comfortable weight to maintain, also. It works on every level.

Well, right now the SCALE is saying one thing but my body and my BELLY are saying something else. So I am determined to get this under control. And get this ... I HAVEN'T HAD BOOZE IN 10 DAYS! That usually helps with the bloat. But not so much last night. Which, of course, makes me want a drink. HA!

Anyhoo, I'm fighting this belly in the next few days along with my no bad stuff plan. I'll be honest with you about it. I will.

Damn belly!