Best Blog Week

Oprah's Best Life Week! Or for me, Oprah's best life MONTH cuz I'm gonna save those shows and watch them over and over until I have them nearly memorized.

I think I may be repeating a little of what I've written on the site but ... it has to be said. Oprah came back from the holiday and talked about being fat again. YAY FOR HER!! And me. I know this made lots of the cynics, or what I like to call "cynicals" out there roll their eyes and I get it. But it made me nearly weep. As someone who struggles with my weight on a daily, if not an hourly basis, there is little more comforting than watching someone who seems to have it all together fall apart a little bit around this issue. There is something EXTREMELY comforting about someone who has a chef and assistants and helpers of all kinds struggle to eat what she needs to eat to maintain a healthy weight. Now, she's one of the busiest people on the globe, but she DOES have people who's job it is to make sure she gets fed and make sure she gets fed the things that are on her diet plan. Those of you out there who are busy PROBABLY don't have that. So it's GOT to be comforting to know that you can have all that help and still struggle. No? Just me?

Oprah said something to the effect that ... all the money and fame and success and attention in the world don't mean a thing if you can't fit into your clothes. Can I get an AMEN?! I must say that I think I could be consoled by all the money in the world, but I get the point she's making fully.

It's not schadenfreude, people. I'm not taking pleasure in her misfortune or failure. I'm RELATING to her and feeling like less of a failure myself because of her admissions. That's IS the truth. READ IT AGAIN. Why so negative?

We struggle, those of us with this issue. I was telling my Matty that I don't think people who do not have this issue understand the immense level of pain involved. You wear your addiction (or what FEELS like your weakness) like a uniform for all to see. And when you give in to the power of the food, you don't get the relief that an alcoholic or a junkie get. I'm not saying it's worse than those things so don't write me and scream at me. Those things are terrible and tear your life apart in a way that eating doesn't. I'm saying that when I drink I get a feeling of ease, that everything is gonna work out or ... more to the point that nothing really matters. And for a few hours I experience fun and release. When I eat I certainly experience pleasure. But the thoughts that plague me - I'm fat and worthless and weak and undeserving of the things that the world has to offer - NEVER diminish. Those thoughts are there before, during and after my meal or snack. I know. I am realizing this particular blog is not funny so much as ... a horrible downer.

So look, I'm saying it's really painful and that we can only hope that with more and more shows about weight that the acceptance and tolerance and sympathy levels will rise. In the meantime, I loves me some Oprah cuz she tells some of my story when she goes there.

Okay look, all this serious talk has made me hungry. I'm gonna go get some oatmeal. Do yourself a favor and watch Oprah. Skip the stupid shows with celebrities and movie promotions and just watch the shows geared towards the average Josephine. It will make your life better. Let the nay sayers spew and go on with their angry and unhappy lives while you go and get pumped up. Take my word.

Bloggosites Attract

I THOUGHT I would be back on the treadmill by Saturday but ... life took over. Again. Today is the first day my back is able to handle working out. I was messed up, people. It almost caused me to have sympathy for Paula Abdul. Almost. Cuz, you know ... she has all those back problems and takes medication to deal with the pain and that's why she acts loopy sometimes. Right? That's what I heard. That and the insanity. I almost had sympathy. And I DEFINITELY wanted drugs.

In the meantime, the Monavie plan is going along swimmingly for me. Matt had some stomach pain issues which we are assuming were and are gastronomical gastrointestinal. See what I did there? He had to do a different plan. He has to do only one ounce of the stuff a day for a week and then two and on like that until he's doing the full on four ounces a day thing. March is when I will know whether or not I can fully recommend the stuff cuz that's when we are gonna go get our blood work ups. Be patient. Or go ahead and try it without my full endorsement. I'm not your care giver. Right?

The no drinking thing is still in effect. So far so good. I mean, so far we are sticking to the plan of not drinking booze until Valentines day. That's the good part. Other than that, it's not so great. I sure could have used some booze on Sunday after my therapy. But I hung in there. I could use some booze right this minute. I can ALWAYS use and enjoy some booze. But I'm honoring and sticking to the plan. Not drinking booze makes me want cookies. I've had some cookies. I'm not proud of it but in the spirit of full disclosure, I've had some cookies. I'm not suggesting cookies are evil or a cruel thing ... for everyone. For me they kinda are. For me they are Beelzebub's ninja stars. My metabolism just can't handle cookies. Or most things, it seems. No, I'm NOT feeling sorry for myself. I'm just owning that if I eat cookies (or most things) it will appear on the scale. Okay, I know it SOUNDS like I'm feeling sorry for myself but really, I'm just a little tired from all the pain and what not.

Speaking of cookies, I have to go to the store to get white chocolate for the low-cal cookies I wanna make for my friend. I'll have to eat one to make sure they are gift worthy. I'll fall on that sword. THEY ARE LOW-CAL, for the love of Mike. Stop nagging.

Blogging Mat

Do you think I psychosomatically caused my back to go out?

Cuz here's why I ask. I started those exercises on Monday and I super, super hated them. I wanted to shoot those exercises in the face. And don't ya know I woke up on Tuesday morning with a sore back that got worse and worse as the day wore on until around 1 pm I was immobile. IMMOBILE, I tell you. I was then so messed up that I couldn't work out. Ooohhhh ... too bad. Now, to be honest, I would have rather worked out and not had debilitating pain but ... the flip side of that now is that I will NOT be doing the exercises that I suspect messed up my back. So now I won't be doing some exercises that I may need but that I hated with a blue burning hate.

So, what's your verdict? Cuz just cuz it's psychosomatic doesn't mean it's not real. It's real pain and it's a real disorder that I may have caused with my own brain. Spooky, huh?

Anyhoo, my magician chiropractor waved his magic dust over my lower back and used his X-ray vision and voo doo and figured it out in fairly short order. He adjusted me up (3rd and 4th lunbar were locked in a death grip and the muscles surrounding were as hard as calculus ... as GRANITE ... as Wolverine's titanium skeleton ... as Superman's gluts) and I should be on the treadmill by Saturday. And, yes ... I will still be doing crunches and some arm exercises. I'm just not doing ANYTHING that might squirrel me up back-wise. Don't try to convince me or send me exercise suggestions. I WON'T DO IT!

Allow me to say that I took Pilates for quite some time with my gal pal Penny and ... I knew how to do these exercises and I STILL messed up my back. If you can, PLEASE hire a professional to work with you. It's really scary the damage you can do in about 2 minutes.

I DID MUSCLE BUILDING FOR LONGER THAN THAT. I did THAT one crappy exercise for about a minute and a second that sucks for another minute.

Just be careful. BE CAREFUL!

All Blogged Up

As Oprah puts it ... Life took over.

I was ready to set 2009 on FIRE (Or at least January of '09) and then ... my back went out. It had other plans. I'm all tense and squirreled up. So I may not be blogging for a few days. I mean, I'm going to my GENIUS chiro this morning so maybe I'll be back on Friday. I don't know. But I know I am hurting right now as I type and as much as I love you all ... it ain't worth it. It really ain't.

But when I come back ... can we talk Oprah's Best Week show?! HOLY COW! Just what the doctor ordered. Seriously what the doctor ordered. I will spell it out when typing doesn't bring tears to my eyes.

Blogivation

Okay so I ate 1450 calories yesterday. I WANTED to eat 1300 but ... on the flip side I wanted to eat 14,000 calories like freakin' Michael Phelps only without all the swimming and exertion. So I am gonna decide to be okay with 1450 for the day.

On the positive track, I ate every 2.5 hours and I worked out on the treadmill for an hour and then ... after watching Oprah ... my sweet, beloved Oprah ... I worked out again. I DID! She makes my life better but that's a different blog for a different day.

So I got out the yoga mat that was under the tree on Christmas morning and I did a few core exercises and a couple of balance exercises. Then I got out my exercise bands and did some arm and back exercises. I STARTED THOSE MUSCLE BUILDING EXERCISES I HAVE BEEN PROMISING YOU FOR MONTHS. Whew. So glad I got that started. I mean I only did those exercises for mere moments, but I DID them! I lay odds that I am sore tomorrow even from just a few minutes so ... don't bust my balls. I did okay for day one of this month of getting back on track. Oh and speaking of that month ... I didn't drink any booze. In case you don't know how strong I am for not drinking the booze ... I am.

Now, if I were a normal person I wouldn't step on the scale for the first week. But ... I'm not a normal person. I'm an obsessed person. I am a person with some difficult and uncomfortable to watch body issues. I am a person who probably needs meds but doesn't want to go down that road. I stepped on the scale FULLY expecting to have already lost 10 pounds. Seriously. I expected that. Ten pounds in a day is not an unreasonable expectation. Right? Instead the scale budged only two pounds. But ... two pounds in a day does NOT suck. So now I have 10 pounds to lose. Hopefully I can do that by tomorrow. I am feeling GOOD about this!

Today I really am gonna work hard to eat 1300 calories. I make no promises other than I promise to try. Promises only hurt all of us if they get broken and I don't ... want to be hurt. I have a busier day today so it may not happen. But ... I am motivated. I really am. MOTIVATED, I TELL YOU! Sometimes I need an obstacle to get over before I can push myself hard. Why do I do that to myself? Again ... another blog for another day.

Blog Monday

Okay, I'm back!

And listen, I'm a chub. I had several parties and lots of goodies in my house that were irresistible and booze and laziness. I definitely have holiday weight. But I find something important in occasionally over indulging. When you are done with the indulging you feel ... gross. You feel slothy and soft and energy-less and ... motivated. I am newly motivated. When you are maintaining your weight it is difficult to remain focused and interested. But gain twenty pounds and suddenly it's ALL you can think about or talk about or read about or blog about.

So here are the couple of things I'm gonna do FIRST. 1) No booze in January, 09. No booze until Valentines Day. I KNOW, RIGHT?! Part of me is looking forward to it and part of me is bummed and dreading it and cursing myself and throwing a fit like a spoiled child. But ... I'm gonna do that Weight Watchers trick and put other beverages in wine glasses. I think it might work a little. I've been doing the smaller plate already and it helps me to put smaller portions on my plate but it DOESN'T help me keep from eating several portions. Ya know? But I'm gonna give it a shot. And 2) Stop eating 2 hours before going to bed. That sounds logical and like something you wouldn't even need to think about. Right? But if you have food issues ... food is comforting. And food can put you in a coma. Many of us overweight types have difficulty sleeping and we use food as a sleep aid. Crazy, right? But the thing is ... it works. SO I'm not gonna do that. I've been working on that already and trying to pay attention to not eating right before bed already. Sounds easy. It ain't.

So that's my starting point. I have 12 pounds to lose so I will share with you every step of the way. I will. I won't be proud when I mess up, cuz I will mess up, but I will share and be honest. You're welcome.