Imperfect10

1,2,3 and blog

2009-04-09T09:31:00.001-07:00

I have worked out several times since the first day. I have a different trainer who is MAYBE a little TOO easy on me. But he is really into it so I may stick with him for two days a week and find a different person for Sundays.

Anyhoo, here's the story about almost passing out. Twice.

I didn't bring a lock so I couldn't lock my stuff up in a locker. I gave my bag to the trainer guy and he put it behind the counter in some secret place. I forgot to get my water bottle out so as we were working out I didn't drink any water. BAD IDEA. Water is the oil to your body's engine. Oil is NOT the oil to your body's engine. Funny how that works.

We/I started with leg presses. Three sets of 20 and between each set, 15 jumping jacks. I didn't think that would be a big deal because I have pretty strong legs. I could do it, but I was shaky by the end of the third set. I look up at the clock thinking, "How long did that take? Are we done?" Get this: I had just STARTED! I wasn't done. It was a pretty rude awakening. I had to get all zen and meditate-y to get through the next 20 freakin' minutes, let me tell you.

Then I had to do this thing where you step up on a high step while holding onto a handle attached to weights. You do 10 on each leg, meaning you step with your right, then down and then with your left and down. You catch my drift? This works your gluts, apparently. I don't really know from working gluts because I mostly sit on those. Between each set, jumping jacks again. So now I'm really wiped out. I can't really look my trainer in the face for fear that he will either see pleading and self pity or searing and deadly hatred. I don't want that. He's just trying to help. I don't want his pity either. He looks like Gary Sinise and I can't decide if that's a good thing or an intimidating thing.

Lastly I do these pull down things. You know what I'm talking about, right? Sit facing the machine and pull down the bar to your chest. Three sets of 20 with the ever present jumping jacks separating the sets. This is the thing that crippled my left arm for a full 24 hours starting at 5 am when I awoke from so much pain I could no longer lay in my own, comfy bed. I know I'm not making this sound appealing, but I must say I feel so freakin' great when it's all done.

Now ... here's the thing to remember. This guy was/is really into talking to me and telling me which muscles were being worked and how that is gonna benefit me, etc. So while he would teach me he would often lose count. So very often, instead of 20 I would do 27 or 28 reps. I didn't complain because all I could do was focus to get through it.

When we were done we went to the counter and he told me I should now do 30 minutes of treadmilling. I looked at him like he was a frightening and unbeatable foe from hell and WITHOUT BURSTING INTO TEARS said, "I have a treadmill at home and ... I need to go home." We were trying to schedule another time to work out and I started to feel dizzy. I told him that and I squatted down and put my head between my knees. I stood up and talked to him for about a minute and he looked at me and said, "Come over here and lay down." I can only assume I got a very far away look on my face and may have turned even more white than I usually am. He put a mat down for me and lifted my legs and stretched me out. He told me to lay there about 2 - 3 minutes. I did. Then I got up and went back to the counter.

We continued to scour our prospective schedules and find a time we could meet. I then looked at him and said, "I have to lay back down." He walked over to the mat with me and said, "I see this a lot. Don't worry. It's common. You worked out hard today and your blood is rushing to those muscles. Lay here as long as you need to." I did. Dont' know how long it was, but it was longer than 2 minutes. There was a time in my life I would have been too embarrassed to do that but I gotta tell ya, I didn't give two shits who saw me or who made fun of me. They were gonna make much WORSE fun of me if I passed out. Plus, this gym ... I don't feel judged like I did 15 years ago when I belonged to a gym. If you think about it, I'm sure it was my imagination then. Whatever the case, it feels better now.

So I finally got up and said, "I will have to call later and schedule the next work out. Is there a water fountain?" I went and drank a bunch of water and felt better in about 20 seconds. Seriously.

If you're gonna do this, don't let yourself get dehydrated. Your trainer SHOULD be reminding you to drink. And listen, I ALMOST passed out. I didn't ever ACTUALLY pass out. And I'm not as sore now as I was so it's not to be feared. In fact, I recommend it although I must say ... I'm only doing it for a month. If I thought I was doing this for longer I might shoot myself in the face.

Sore blog muscles

2009-04-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

Can't ... type.

Arms ... in too much ... pain from ... workout.

Woke up at 5 am in so much pain that I thought I MUST have pulled a muscle or something. Plus the muscle that is hurting isn't even a muscle I was SUPPOSED to have worked out. But clearly it got worked out even though I wasn't targeting it. I am thankful it's in my left arm so I can use my right arm today ... in my life for eating and bathing and such because the left arm is immobile. No. Really. And I'm working out again today. Oh yes. I am.

I have to keep this short for the purposes of pain, but Monday I will tell you the story of almost passing out. Twice. (that guy kicked my BUTT)

Blog signing

2009-03-31T07:39:00.000-07:00

The good news is that I'm up early and I'm going to sign some paperwork to hire private trainer for a month just like I didn't promise I was gonna do. The bad news is that I don't really have time to blog because getting up early still doesn't allow time for blogging to my heart's content.

But I'm doin' the thing. Wish me luck!

2009-03-30T08:51:00.000-07:00

When I say I am busy I'm not sure what people picture in their mind's eye. They maybe picture me running around doing errands and making calls on my cel phone and proudly marking things off a long "to do" list and such all fresh faced and big sunglassed up zipping around in the loving California sun. No? No. When I say I am busy ... I mean I'm the sort of busy where A) you get up at 8 am and go to bed at 2 am and sometimes don't have time to shower so you are a little crusty with the matted hair of fitful sleep and yesterday's mascara, B) what you do throughout the day requires your mind be engaged every moment so you can't wander off in your brain to a quiet place and allow distraction or daydreams about laughter on the beach and frosty margaritas and flowy skirts and flirty cabana boys, C) after enough days of this your brain takes a vacation and no longer cares to support the involuntary functions of your body like ... speaking and ... breathing and ... blinking and ... crying.

There is the issue of ... it's all good stuff. There isn't anything on my calendar I want to lose. It's all auditions and rehearsals and agency work and class and shows I want to attend and dinners and parties and cool things. It's all stuff that makes me feel fulfilled and complete and excited. But it's also stuff that really requires my brain and sometimes my heart and that can become exhausting.

What's the first thing to go when I'm exhausted you ask? The work-em-outs. When was the last time I worked out you ask? Can't remember. Are you eating well? Stop asking questions. It's making my brain hurt.

So, as always, I am choosing not to punish myself and instead to try a new tack. I'm CONSIDERING ... and I'm not dedicated to it yet ... but I'm considering a trainer for a month. I have friends who belong to these things called ... gymnasiums. I MIGHT be able to talk a friend into doing the work out with me (Mimi). I'm not sure. But I'm considering it. I have a show on May 5 at which there will be many people whom I will want to impress. I want smaller arms by then. It's not a lofty goal nor is it a huge and unachievable one. So I'm looking into it. I PROMISE NOTHING! Cuz I've made promises before that the universe was able to screw me out of. Sorry to rat on you, Universe, but it's true. So no promises. I've learned that lesson.

I'll keep you posted.

Sleepy Bloggy

2009-03-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

Monday is a NEW DAY!!

I'm starting back with the blog in full force on Monday. And by full force I mean as often as I can but at LEAST a few days a week.

It's been a slow and difficult adjustment because I'm a super late night prowler. I love it when it's dark and quiet in the city. I'm determined to find a way to do both things; to stay up late and feel like Omega Man and to get up early and blog and work out before I go to the day gig. I'm really looking for a plan on that. Cuz ... the other day my brain had a serious disconnect from my mouth. I was trying to read something off a computer screen to someone on the other end of the phone and ... it din't go so well. Lack of sleep is fascinating.

So I think I have worked it out. We'll see. But no matter what, I'll be here on Monday. DANG IT!!

Blogicane

2009-03-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

I am sorry kids, but you might not hear from me for a few days.

I started a new day gig and I am adjusting to a different schedule. I still have time to log on and check stuff on my computer, but in terms of writing and sharing with you I am pressed for time. Sorry. Sue me.

I WILL MISS YOU! And I will be back as soon as I can make the adjustment and not be all groggy and sleepy in the mornings. Or sloggy. Or greepy.

Whatev.

I'll be back. I'm not gonna abandon you. I'm not a jaggov.

Everlasting Blog

2009-03-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

My treadmill - T, as I like to call it - is the most beautiful treadmill in the whole wide world. My heart leaps when I see it or even when I speak of it. Ours is an enduring and possibly everlasting love. We fit together so perfectly. We have vowed to be good to one another. T will be there for me whenever I need it and I will make sure the gears get greased ... (if you know what I mean, nudge, nudge) Together we are going to make each other's lives better.

T did the sweetest thing yesterday. The guys came and set it up and it ... worked immediately. There was nothing fancy I needed to do. There were no complicated instructions. I pressed the ON button and set the speed and T just ... worked. No pressure was placed for me to hop on. No mocking about how I hadn't worked out in two weeks. No demands of attention. T was just there and waiting with loving, accepting, embracing readiness.

Now that T and I are back together the sun is shining and the rain has been replaced by green grass and blue skies; the air smells better; everything tastes better and I can hear birds chirping even while I'm in the shower; there will soon be an end to world hunger and poverty and peace in the middle east and a cure for all types of cancer. I'm never gonna neglect T again. I'm never gonna take T for granted. I'm gonna ask T to marry me. T will be my second.

This is what magic feels like people. You should try it.

Walking on Blogshine

2009-03-04T08:56:00.000-08:00

THE NEW TREADMILL IS COMING! THE NEW TREADMILL IS COMING!

(deep sigh) Whew. Now I can breathe a little easier. "Wow, you can afford a new treadmill?" you're asking me. No. Not really. Not at all. But in truth, I can't afford not to have one. Look, here's the thing ... this isn't about me having a tight ass or anything. This is about my health. I had to lose this weight for health reasons. And if I have to put on work out clothes and go outside my house I either am NEVER gonna do that ... or rarely. I need to work out every day.

I already told you I can justify or rationalize anything with the right amount of time and money so ... you can't be surprised. Right?

So be it. It's done. It comes this evening between 5 and 7 and I CAN'T WAIT! I told my friend Todd that ... I think I needed that treadmill to go away for a little while because I am not sure I was fully appreciating it. I was kind of slacking off and walking slack shouldered to the device all full of resentment and resistance. Right? NO MORE. I will show my treadmill every single day how much I appreciate it and love it. I will get it serviced and I will dust it and I will get up early to insure I have time to walk (and sometimes run for a minute or two) on it. And I will whisper sweet nothings to it. Me adoro it!

I'll talk to you tomorrow after I ... WORK OUT!!

The greates thing to blog, is blog itself

2009-02-27T10:40:00.000-08:00

Still no replacement treadmill. I can feel it. It might be psychological because I refuse to step on the scale until I have worked out for at LEAST three days in a row. So I might not have gained a pound but it FEELS like I have gained ten pounds in five minutes. It's insidious, this food obsession ... dare I say disorder? I haven't been diagnosed so I'm not gonna say that. However, I AM going to DIE in about 72 hours if I don't get a treadmill. I feel I can claim that without risk of exaggeration.

But in all seriousness ... that's a word, right? Seriousness? My powerful brain isn't functioning correctly because I HAVEN'T WORKED OUT IN A WEEK! (deep breath in through the nose ... and out through the mouth) Okay, in all seriousness, I'm going to Sear's today because I need to see if I can expedite the shipping. If I do it online I can't bargain and/or cajole or bribe or whatever is necessary to speed the process.

That being said, I have to go. I'm uncomfortable sitting here, anyway. I feel myself spreading by the single character I type and I'm SURE that's real.

You don't know what you've got til it's blogged

2009-02-25T10:08:00.000-08:00

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh .... (pant, pant) I'm having a panic attack.

MY TREADMILL IS BROKEN!

Okay so I WANT you to try to argue with the powerful brain thing right now. I WANT you to. All I have done for the last week or so is find ways to avoid working out and suddenly ... my treadmill STOPS dead in the last five minutes of my work out?! That wouldn't be unusual if it were alone in it's coincidence. But there has been a string of coincidences so ... they're no coincidence.

I didn't panic immediately. Li'l Matty called Sears and had the repair guy come out. The repair guy was respectful and called and told me when he was 45 minutes out. He looked at my treadmill for about five minutes before telling me that to replace or repair the motor would be more expensive than buying a new machine. That's the FIRST part that paniced me but then I realized I was gonna have to go for a while without a treadmill. (pant, heave) WHAT?! OKAY! No, really. I'm cool. (bend over to get blood to head)

Sometimes you don't know whatcha got until it's gone. Right, Joni MItchell?

I'm not gonna promise to never complain about not wanting to work out. I'm am NOT gonna promise to be forever grateful. But Sears IS having a decent sale on the most recent model of the treadmill that just died so ... I think I can justify the purchase even without promises of devotion.

Bloggeling

2009-02-24T10:03:00.001-08:00

I got so much DONE yesterday!

I only got a couple of things that were actually on my list done, but I did things that WEREN'T on the list. I'm telling you, I got a lot done. And it felt great. And I was so busy doing things I wanted to do that I didn't obsess every minute about food.. So, I didn't overeat ... until dinner. But I had a salad so I'm not gonna lament it too harshly. A salad and some garlic cheese bread. RIGHT?! What am I thinking? It's fine. I didn't eat as much as it sounds like. Okay. I'll actually count today and have a moment of accountability with you tomorrow.

The point remains that I'm doing things that make me feel positive in '09 and so far it's paying off. It ties in with that powerful brain thing. My attitude is so improved that even while sitting directly in the path of the oncoming economic crisis, I am not freaking.

I guess I should comment on the fact that my attitude wasn't sucky before. I just ... had some things professionally to face and put in order. That fact was weighing on me and stressing me. But I've done that and now I'm feeling even MORE positive than I was prior. And I'm finding I have more energy and more chutzpeh and more optimism even though the economy is crumbling around me like when Sampson pushed down the pillars in the movie and the whole city collapsed.

Stay busy. Stay busy with things that don't make you unhappy. And if you want cat food that won't kill your cat, go to Got Pet Food in Santa Monica. Those guys KNOW THEIR STUFF! That's just an aside.

Blog over matter

2009-02-23T10:11:00.000-08:00

Holy S*#T. My brain is kinda crazy, super powerful. I always "thought" that (a li'l "brain" word twisting there) but now I feel like I am getting undeniable proof but not in the positive ways.

Okay like ... I wrote about wanting to get on a schedule and getting back to physical activity and stuff, right? And wouldn't you know it I woke up yesterday and ... my back is f'd up. I KNOW! That wouldn't really be all that big a deal since I have a screwy back if I hadn't reviewed and noticed that every time I start to "get on my own back" (you see what I did there?) about this stuff that either my back goes out or I get sick or some such thing comes up and I have to chill for a bit.

Two things:

1) Now that I'm getting tangible proof of the power of my brain I REALLY need to find a way to turn it into a force for good; a force for positive stuff in my life; a way to manifest a li'l dough ray me (you know what I'm sayin'? nudge, nudge).

2) I think the universe or my instinctive gut is telling me that I am using working out as an excuse to eat more yummy and destructive stuff. So for the next few days, until I can see my chiro on Thurs (ouch, so long), I'm gonna have to get absolutely real with myself about the calories and stuff. Cuz Oscar Day didn't help. We didn't get to go to the party we had planned to go to for work reasons so we got margaritas with dinner ... which was nachos. I KNOW! STOP YELLING! My body is fighting back. Well, I'm finally listening. So, body ... stop messing me up.

I'll keep you posted.

Delinquent blogs become angelic when sitting

2009-02-19T09:30:00.000-08:00

I haven't worked out in a week. What the ... ?

I am still working on getting back on a schedule. I'm not one for same sameness on a daily basis so I don't really gravitate towards schedules. I find I am more productive when I have a regular routine but ... I also find that when I have a regular routine I have to do stuff to break it up or I start to get really resentful and rebellious. I like to fool myself into thinking I have some measure of control over my daily life so schedules don't rock me. When regulated I tend to reschedule a lot and call in sick or make doctor appointments or get someone to cover me or ... quit or piss somebody off and get fired. I just don't love structure all that much.

That being said, I'm trying. Really I am. When I lost all my weight I was getting up at 6 or 6:30 every morning and working out. The down side of that was I hated getting up at 6 or 6:30 every morning to work out and couldn't WAIT for the day when I didn't have to do it ever again. Now I work out when I can.

So this reminds me of the advice I gave on the site. I suggest finding physical activity that you enjoy. Even better is to find physical activity that you look forward to or can't WAIT to do! I haven't mastered that yet. I enjoy the treadmill but I don't watch the clock and count the minutes until I can get to it. Ya know? For you guys I'm thinking, like ... a game or a team sport. Tennis or basketball or a bicycling group or something. If I were single I would be doing those things to meet some fellas. But I have a lovely man who digs me so I can't get motivated to join group activities.

Whatev... I'm back to it this afternoon. And I'll find a way to motivate to get up in the earlier AM to "mill" it. Or ... something. I'll get it together. I will!

Baked Blog

2009-02-18T09:33:00.000-08:00

A general rule of thumb for recipes in cookbooks is ... double the spices and seasonings.

I made this pork loin skillet dish last night. I don't know how cooking with pork can be low calorie but this one claimed to be and I chose to believe that. Also, I don't usually cook with pork for a variety of reasons but when I DO choose to cook with it, I expect it to be crazy flavorful. But not all cuts of pork are crazy flavorful, it turns out. Especially the lean cuts. But I digress.

This dish had a lemony-ness to it. I'm not that big a fan of a lemon flavor. And yet I ate every bite of my portion. There were no leftovers.

THE POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE IF YOU WOULD STOP DISTRACTING ME ... is that I am coming to the conclusion that cookbooks are toned down to appeal to the less developed palate. I can't PROVE that, of course. My theory wouldn't hold up in a court of law because ... it's only a theory. It's not a fact or anything. I don't have any indisputable evidence like ... DNA or Bronco chases. All I know is I have to make every dish I find twice. The first time I make it JUST like the cook or chef suggests (because Paula Deen said that's the way to start). 90 percent of the time the first attempt is bland as all get out. But if I double the recommended amount of Thyme or All Spice or ... pepper, the darn thing tastes better. Usually when I double up the dish ends up tasting like what I ASSUME the chef intended.

I'm just putting it out there. You people who have published cookbooks can smack down my deductions if you choose. But I'm still gonna double your pansy ass measurements. So there.

Rainy days and blog days

2009-02-17T09:28:00.000-08:00

It’s raining here.

I don’t know about you guys but the rain … I mean, I enjoy the rain but I enjoy it because it fills me with the feeling that it’s okay to stay inside and futz around the house and not make the bed and not put on make up and not change out of my work out clothes and not shower and stuff. (peee – ewww) It also makes me want to bake and cook and eat. A lot. I have resisted baking but the cooking and eating part … that I haven’t had such success avoiding.

Here’s what I sort of battle with a little bit right now. And by “a little bit” I mean a lot every single meal of every single day. I sort of feel like if I am being conscientious enough to do my research and go to the store what feels like DAILY and buy organic and use my juicer and make meals that are low cal and healthy and all that … if I do all that, well then, I can eat whatever I am making freely and guilt free without really paying attention to serving size and calories. And that is actually true for Matty. But for me, my body is just as stubborn and obstinate as it’s brain. My body is resistant to all things that cause it to shed poundage and it will NOT BE MOVED. Darn body needs to learn it’s place.

So then I have to get out my friggin’ food journal and get all real with myself.

On the UP side, I have found some super easy and fun dishes that I will be sharing on the site over the next few months so don’t forget to check it out. No need to submit me for sainthood. My reward is the good feeling I get by just doing such great and charitable things for my fellow food issue-ites.

Oprah got NOTHIN’ on me.

Blogaholic

2009-02-16T10:13:00.000-08:00

Booze is back.

There is good and bad to this booze adventure. Valentine's evening was a delight. Our friends Chloë and Lynda were our Valentines for the evening and Chloë has a friend who is the chef at Hotel Luxe in Beverly Hills (Michael Gladstone). We started with Champagne and ended with some sort of tropical tasting shot. But the booze didn't win.

The next day, Sunday, was Mexican food and margaritas. That would have been fine, of course, but when we got home Matt decided to round out the meal and early evening with a Jack and coke. And then another. And so on. He over did it a little.

So this booze thing is tricky. You can't leave it alone for even a SECOND. You must keep an eye on the f'er. Get a sitter you can trust because booze is sneaky. Booze will steal money from your wallet and eat your last brownie. Booze will ruin your day off with it's selfishness. Booze will tell you that you are gorgeous one minute and then tell you that you are worthless the next. Booze is fickle. And delicious. Booze makes life better when it comes to visit but you have to make sure booze doesn't manipulate you into letting it move in and start being a slob. When booze is being nice there is much laughter. But when booze is feeling like starting some s*#t, then look OUT! Some s*#t will be STARTED!

Manage the booze and don't let it manage you. It is a lovely dinner guest but a cruel mistress. Right now, in my house, I'm giving booze the smack down and showing it who's boss. Matt's got my back on this. You have GOT to have a united front when confronting the demanding nature of booze. It will cry and call you names and pout and threaten to leave and never come back if you don't handle it gingerly. So, get on it. Cuz the truth is ... you love booze. It just has to grow up a little and learn how to love you back without being so demanding and exhausting.

New Blog Res

2009-02-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

I didn't go to class and I'm not going for the rest of the month. I gotta get my life in order. Does anyone else feel like this right now?

Here's the thing, January, as I said before, was a wash for me. But not only was it the most unproductive do-nothin' month ever but my life fell behind. I gotta get things workin' again. And I need a few weeks to do it.

Okay and also, the truth is that I am really good at justifying and rationalizing anything and everything. So in addition to getting my life in order, I just want to do things in '09 that make me happy. I may not be able to do that 100% of the time cuz ... I gotta work and all that. But when not working I want to do things that I WANT to do; things that I am anxious to do; that I look forward to doing. Not things that ruin my whole day. Plus ... I think it's time to re-evaluate some stuff. Do you ever feel like that? No? Just me? Okay.

So I am going to try to get on some sort of schedule. I'm want to end each day feeling good about that day. I want to look at my To Do List and feel pumped up at my accomplishments.

THAT'S my New Year's Resolution. And it only took me five and a half weeks to come up with something I could commit to.

To blog or not to blog ...

2009-02-10T09:21:00.000-08:00

I’ve got class tonight.

I mean, I’ve got class EVERY night, if you know what I mean. But I am attending acting class tonight. It’s a smart and dedicated thing to do but the rain is sapping my resolve.

Like I said, I like the rain. I enjoy the rain. But I enjoy it because I find ways to use it as an excuse for every little thing that I would like to avoid. That’s not to say that I want to avoid class so much as I would just rather not go out of my apartment when it’s raining for ANY reason.

I need sunshine for “open door” motivation. Open Door motivation is something that motivates me to open my front door and go out of it. Sunshine does that for me. Rain inspires me to curl up in my warm and comfy bed and read a trashy romance novel. I DON’T do that, but … I want to.

Anyhoo, my advice for getting motivated is to take an hour out of your day to do the hibernate thing and then close your eyes, imagine sunshine and then go and do your thing. I’m gonna try that. I’ll tell you how it goes.

Bottom of the Blog Chain

2009-02-04T11:29:00.000-08:00

Feb 14th fast approacheth.

Matt and I put a nix on the booze from Jan 5 thru Feb 14 with booze on the 14th. I wanted to see if my face would look less puffy and Matt did it with me to be supportive. A few things about this:

1) I haven't noticed a change for the better in my face so I think ... that's just my face.
2) Matt has lost about 7 pounds so far. This is important info because it's imperative to realize that we are all different and we cannot judge ourselves and our progress (or lack thereof) by others'. Cuz ... I gained 4 pounds like I told you yesterday. I'm NOT gonna be bitter about it.
3) This is gonna be my Feb advice on the site. Small term goals. If we had said something like ... "For '09 we are only gonna have cocktails on Fridays..." that would NOT have stuck. But setting a small term goal, like not drinking for 5 weeks, and ACHIEVING it ... that feels amazing. It's motivational. You feel good about yourself. You start to realize you can accomplish the things you set out to accomplish.

It's not fun to deny yourself anything but it's EASIER to do if there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You know what I'm saying? It's that ole "one day at a time" thing. I believe in it. I often say, "I'm gonna get on the treadmill for 15 minutes. That's all I am gonna require of myself." And then I make a pouty face. But then I get on and I start setting other little goals. "I'm gonna run for two minutes. I'm gonna walk on the deepest incline for three minutes," etc. And before you know it I've walked fifty minutes to an hour. Oh, I shit you not.

Small term goals. "I'm gonna do this for a week." And then if you do it for a week and it doesn't kill you then you consider whether you wanna do it for another week. Or maybe, one week on and one week off. Whatever works for you to keep you motivated. Cuz, you know how motivated you are whenever you start something new, right? So ... make it always new.

Oh and I said I would talk about Bob Greene. Okay. He said this thing that has really meant something to me after all these times of seeing him. What Oprah would call my "a-ha" moment. He said, "We all seek pleasure. That's what we do, and it's okay. That's not gonna end. It's 'how do you get that pleasure or happiness or joy?' "
That statement has caused me to be aware of what food is providing me when I am eating. And as I become aware of the pleasure it brings me, I am not enjoying it less but I am thinking of what else might give me equal joy. If there is nothing I can think of then I go forward. If there is something that will satisfy that pleasure seeking, then I do that. I haven't lost any weight because I've only been out of bed for three days so BACK OFF! ;-) But I'm gonna keep a close eye on this.

What he said, it sort of ... freed me a little. People LOVE to judge. I am sure I have mentioned this before but my shrink says, "Nobody wants to be the bottom of the food chain." But that statement was leveling for me. We all seek pleasure. Some of us find it in other things like ... shopping or gambling or smoking or slutting around or being a workaholic or a workOUT-aholic or drinking or going to meetings in order to not drink or WHATEVER. But we are all the same in that way. So when I overeat I am (often) seeking pleasure just like everyone else. If I can make a shift and maybe find it somewhere else even SOME of the time, it will make a difference. Or ... we'll see if it makes a difference. It certainly made a difference in my outlook. I felt like I was now allowed to pleasure seek and that seeking it doesn't make me "wrong" or f'd up or whatever. Do NOT tell me if I am mistaken on that point. ;-)

Back Blogging

2009-02-03T10:27:00.001-08:00

I'm BAAAaaaack!

Okay so January was a wash. First my back got all screwy with the 3rd and 4th vertebrae getting locked and the muscles surrounding them were tight as tits and as hard as math. My genius chiro slash second boyfriend (because I loveses him) fixed me up after a couple of sessions and I thought I was back on track. THEN I got what I thought was a cold. But it got worse. And then it got worse. I mean ... it started with a sore throat and then my chest got heavy (no boob jokes, please) and I got a cough that sounded like emphysema. I lost my voice (which not everyone was complaining about) and then I got sever sinus congestion. That got infected and then I had a stomach thing that I don't want to detail for gross-out reasons. Even with anti-biotics it cost me 13 days. THIRTEEN DAYS! Is that a movie title? And now my li'l Matty is sick and I am doing my best to take care of him.

So I'm at 90%. I still have some symptoms showing but I'm functional again. I got back on the treadmill yesterday and did some arm exercises. Yes. Muscle building exercises. I'm tryin'. I'm tyrin' to live up to that promise I made you a million months ago. I'm not working out today because I have class tonight and I can't face washing my hair and doing my own blow out today. My hair really dictates my workout life and I can complain about that or call it an excuse but the truth is that's just how it is.

But here's what I wanna tell you. I was sick for 13 days and I ... gained 4 pounds. WHAT?! I KNOW! And I haven't been drinking! I gave up drinking Jan. 5 for a month for my own personal "lent." I thought for sure that would buy me a few pounds, but it hasn't seemed to help so far. (part of me is elated as I cannot wait to have a cocktail on Valentine's Day and I will do that much more gleefully after I realize that drink is not the reason for any of my weight gain). Many of those days that I was sick I didn't eat much or I ate soup. But here's the thing ... I have an adrenal imbalance. When I get sick my metabolism dials down to nothing. At that point, if I eat a freakin' APPLE it gets stored. My body is trying to protect me. My body is trying to help me get better. So I'm just gonna be happy that I'm better, get back to my routine and not waste time being bitter as I would have done a year ago. It doesn't help anything. And it certainly doesn't make me feel better about me or my life or my situation. And ... it's not my fault. I do have the information and power to control this weight thing, but sometimes it's just out of my hands. I just have to accept that and roll with it and not let it screw up my happiness.

Speaking of that ... I want to talk about Bob Greene and what he said on Oprah during Best Life Week. I know that was January but I told you I was gonna save those episodes and revisit them through the ... year. Right? So ... since I lost January I'm gonna do it now. Also, what Bob said has stuck with me and made me feel better and given me more understanding that I think is gonna help me. And that's cool cuz mostly I'm not a fan of Bob Greene. So I'll share it with you tomorrow. How's that for a teaser/cliffhanger?

I'm BACK, dang it!

Best Blog Week

2009-01-16T09:14:00.000-08:00

Oprah's Best Life Week! Or for me, Oprah's best life MONTH cuz I'm gonna save those shows and watch them over and over until I have them nearly memorized.

I think I may be repeating a little of what I've written on the site but ... it has to be said. Oprah came back from the holiday and talked about being fat again. YAY FOR HER!! And me. I know this made lots of the cynics, or what I like to call "cynicals" out there roll their eyes and I get it. But it made me nearly weep. As someone who struggles with my weight on a daily, if not an hourly basis, there is little more comforting than watching someone who seems to have it all together fall apart a little bit around this issue. There is something EXTREMELY comforting about someone who has a chef and assistants and helpers of all kinds struggle to eat what she needs to eat to maintain a healthy weight. Now, she's one of the busiest people on the globe, but she DOES have people who's job it is to make sure she gets fed and make sure she gets fed the things that are on her diet plan. Those of you out there who are busy PROBABLY don't have that. So it's GOT to be comforting to know that you can have all that help and still struggle. No? Just me?

Oprah said something to the effect that ... all the money and fame and success and attention in the world don't mean a thing if you can't fit into your clothes. Can I get an AMEN?! I must say that I think I could be consoled by all the money in the world, but I get the point she's making fully.

It's not schadenfreude, people. I'm not taking pleasure in her misfortune or failure. I'm RELATING to her and feeling like less of a failure myself because of her admissions. That's IS the truth. READ IT AGAIN. Why so negative?

We struggle, those of us with this issue. I was telling my Matty that I don't think people who do not have this issue understand the immense level of pain involved. You wear your addiction (or what FEELS like your weakness) like a uniform for all to see. And when you give in to the power of the food, you don't get the relief that an alcoholic or a junkie get. I'm not saying it's worse than those things so don't write me and scream at me. Those things are terrible and tear your life apart in a way that eating doesn't. I'm saying that when I drink I get a feeling of ease, that everything is gonna work out or ... more to the point that nothing really matters. And for a few hours I experience fun and release. When I eat I certainly experience pleasure. But the thoughts that plague me - I'm fat and worthless and weak and undeserving of the things that the world has to offer - NEVER diminish. Those thoughts are there before, during and after my meal or snack. I know. I am realizing this particular blog is not funny so much as ... a horrible downer.

So look, I'm saying it's really painful and that we can only hope that with more and more shows about weight that the acceptance and tolerance and sympathy levels will rise. In the meantime, I loves me some Oprah cuz she tells some of my story when she goes there.

Okay look, all this serious talk has made me hungry. I'm gonna go get some oatmeal. Do yourself a favor and watch Oprah. Skip the stupid shows with celebrities and movie promotions and just watch the shows geared towards the average Josephine. It will make your life better. Let the nay sayers spew and go on with their angry and unhappy lives while you go and get pumped up. Take my word.

Bloggosites Attract

2009-01-13T09:26:00.000-08:00

I THOUGHT I would be back on the treadmill by Saturday but ... life took over. Again. Today is the first day my back is able to handle working out. I was messed up, people. It almost caused me to have sympathy for Paula Abdul. Almost. Cuz, you know ... she has all those back problems and takes medication to deal with the pain and that's why she acts loopy sometimes. Right? That's what I heard. That and the insanity. I almost had sympathy. And I DEFINITELY wanted drugs.

In the meantime, the Monavie plan is going along swimmingly for me. Matt had some stomach pain issues which we are assuming were and are gastronomical gastrointestinal. See what I did there? He had to do a different plan. He has to do only one ounce of the stuff a day for a week and then two and on like that until he's doing the full on four ounces a day thing. March is when I will know whether or not I can fully recommend the stuff cuz that's when we are gonna go get our blood work ups. Be patient. Or go ahead and try it without my full endorsement. I'm not your care giver. Right?

The no drinking thing is still in effect. So far so good. I mean, so far we are sticking to the plan of not drinking booze until Valentines day. That's the good part. Other than that, it's not so great. I sure could have used some booze on Sunday after my therapy. But I hung in there. I could use some booze right this minute. I can ALWAYS use and enjoy some booze. But I'm honoring and sticking to the plan. Not drinking booze makes me want cookies. I've had some cookies. I'm not proud of it but in the spirit of full disclosure, I've had some cookies. I'm not suggesting cookies are evil or a cruel thing ... for everyone. For me they kinda are. For me they are Beelzebub's ninja stars. My metabolism just can't handle cookies. Or most things, it seems. No, I'm NOT feeling sorry for myself. I'm just owning that if I eat cookies (or most things) it will appear on the scale. Okay, I know it SOUNDS like I'm feeling sorry for myself but really, I'm just a little tired from all the pain and what not.

Speaking of cookies, I have to go to the store to get white chocolate for the low-cal cookies I wanna make for my friend. I'll have to eat one to make sure they are gift worthy. I'll fall on that sword. THEY ARE LOW-CAL, for the love of Mike. Stop nagging.

Blogging Mat

2009-01-08T17:35:00.000-08:00

Do you think I psychosomatically caused my back to go out?

Cuz here's why I ask. I started those exercises on Monday and I super, super hated them. I wanted to shoot those exercises in the face. And don't ya know I woke up on Tuesday morning with a sore back that got worse and worse as the day wore on until around 1 pm I was immobile. IMMOBILE, I tell you. I was then so messed up that I couldn't work out. Ooohhhh ... too bad. Now, to be honest, I would have rather worked out and not had debilitating pain but ... the flip side of that now is that I will NOT be doing the exercises that I suspect messed up my back. So now I won't be doing some exercises that I may need but that I hated with a blue burning hate.

So, what's your verdict? Cuz just cuz it's psychosomatic doesn't mean it's not real. It's real pain and it's a real disorder that I may have caused with my own brain. Spooky, huh?

Anyhoo, my magician chiropractor waved his magic dust over my lower back and used his X-ray vision and voo doo and figured it out in fairly short order. He adjusted me up (3rd and 4th lunbar were locked in a death grip and the muscles surrounding were as hard as calculus ... as GRANITE ... as Wolverine's titanium skeleton ... as Superman's gluts) and I should be on the treadmill by Saturday. And, yes ... I will still be doing crunches and some arm exercises. I'm just not doing ANYTHING that might squirrel me up back-wise. Don't try to convince me or send me exercise suggestions. I WON'T DO IT!

Allow me to say that I took Pilates for quite some time with my gal pal Penny and ... I knew how to do these exercises and I STILL messed up my back. If you can, PLEASE hire a professional to work with you. It's really scary the damage you can do in about 2 minutes.

I DID MUSCLE BUILDING FOR LONGER THAN THAT. I did THAT one crappy exercise for about a minute and a second that sucks for another minute.

Just be careful. BE CAREFUL!

All Blogged Up

2009-01-07T20:29:00.000-08:00

As Oprah puts it ... Life took over.

I was ready to set 2009 on FIRE (Or at least January of '09) and then ... my back went out. It had other plans. I'm all tense and squirreled up. So I may not be blogging for a few days. I mean, I'm going to my GENIUS chiro this morning so maybe I'll be back on Friday. I don't know. But I know I am hurting right now as I type and as much as I love you all ... it ain't worth it. It really ain't.

But when I come back ... can we talk Oprah's Best Week show?! HOLY COW! Just what the doctor ordered. Seriously what the doctor ordered. I will spell it out when typing doesn't bring tears to my eyes.

Blogivation

2009-01-05T22:04:00.000-08:00

Okay so I ate 1450 calories yesterday. I WANTED to eat 1300 but ... on the flip side I wanted to eat 14,000 calories like freakin' Michael Phelps only without all the swimming and exertion. So I am gonna decide to be okay with 1450 for the day.

On the positive track, I ate every 2.5 hours and I worked out on the treadmill for an hour and then ... after watching Oprah ... my sweet, beloved Oprah ... I worked out again. I DID! She makes my life better but that's a different blog for a different day.

So I got out the yoga mat that was under the tree on Christmas morning and I did a few core exercises and a couple of balance exercises. Then I got out my exercise bands and did some arm and back exercises. I STARTED THOSE MUSCLE BUILDING EXERCISES I HAVE BEEN PROMISING YOU FOR MONTHS. Whew. So glad I got that started. I mean I only did those exercises for mere moments, but I DID them! I lay odds that I am sore tomorrow even from just a few minutes so ... don't bust my balls. I did okay for day one of this month of getting back on track. Oh and speaking of that month ... I didn't drink any booze. In case you don't know how strong I am for not drinking the booze ... I am.

Now, if I were a normal person I wouldn't step on the scale for the first week. But ... I'm not a normal person. I'm an obsessed person. I am a person with some difficult and uncomfortable to watch body issues. I am a person who probably needs meds but doesn't want to go down that road. I stepped on the scale FULLY expecting to have already lost 10 pounds. Seriously. I expected that. Ten pounds in a day is not an unreasonable expectation. Right? Instead the scale budged only two pounds. But ... two pounds in a day does NOT suck. So now I have 10 pounds to lose. Hopefully I can do that by tomorrow. I am feeling GOOD about this!

Today I really am gonna work hard to eat 1300 calories. I make no promises other than I promise to try. Promises only hurt all of us if they get broken and I don't ... want to be hurt. I have a busier day today so it may not happen. But ... I am motivated. I really am. MOTIVATED, I TELL YOU! Sometimes I need an obstacle to get over before I can push myself hard. Why do I do that to myself? Again ... another blog for another day.

Blog Monday

2009-01-05T09:13:00.001-08:00

Okay, I'm back!

And listen, I'm a chub. I had several parties and lots of goodies in my house that were irresistible and booze and laziness. I definitely have holiday weight. But I find something important in occasionally over indulging. When you are done with the indulging you feel ... gross. You feel slothy and soft and energy-less and ... motivated. I am newly motivated. When you are maintaining your weight it is difficult to remain focused and interested. But gain twenty pounds and suddenly it's ALL you can think about or talk about or read about or blog about.

So here are the couple of things I'm gonna do FIRST. 1) No booze in January, 09. No booze until Valentines Day. I KNOW, RIGHT?! Part of me is looking forward to it and part of me is bummed and dreading it and cursing myself and throwing a fit like a spoiled child. But ... I'm gonna do that Weight Watchers trick and put other beverages in wine glasses. I think it might work a little. I've been doing the smaller plate already and it helps me to put smaller portions on my plate but it DOESN'T help me keep from eating several portions. Ya know? But I'm gonna give it a shot. And 2) Stop eating 2 hours before going to bed. That sounds logical and like something you wouldn't even need to think about. Right? But if you have food issues ... food is comforting. And food can put you in a coma. Many of us overweight types have difficulty sleeping and we use food as a sleep aid. Crazy, right? But the thing is ... it works. SO I'm not gonna do that. I've been working on that already and trying to pay attention to not eating right before bed already. Sounds easy. It ain't.

So that's my starting point. I have 12 pounds to lose so I will share with you every step of the way. I will. I won't be proud when I mess up, cuz I will mess up, but I will share and be honest. You're welcome.

Sweet, sweet Blog

2008-12-30T10:20:00.000-08:00

I got a new cookbook under the Christmas tree also. It's a thick one! I guess it would have to be because it claims that all the recipes are low-calorie, low-fat and low carb. What? Is that possible? I've only perused the recipes at this point but so far ... looks like it's possible. Who knew? And get this, there are dessert recipes in this thing also. I crap you NOT.

I know I've talked about Splenda before (in the positive), but I'm gonna talk about it again. Here's why: this cookbook also sings the praises of Splenda. Here's what I found out (by reading this cookbook's intro and checking it's sources). There have been studies done that claim that Splenda causes some bad stuff in lab rats. But it turns out these studies are based on feeding these lab rats the human equivalent of over 10,000 teaspoons of Splenda a DAY. When those same lab rats were fed the human equivalent of 1,000 teaspoons a day, no side effects occurred. None. Not in any of the tests. So keep in mind that the average person eats about 8 to 10 teaspoons of sugar or sugar sweetener a day. THEN also ask yourself why there have been no studies done feeding lab rats 10,000 teaspoons of sugar or corn syrup a day. Right? The few studies that have been done comparing sugar to sweeteners ... you know what I'm gonna say, yes? The few studies that have been done comparing adverse effects of sugar V. artificial sweetener on the body prove that sugar is MUCH harder on the subjects bodies than the sweetener. Sorry kids. It's true. But by ALL means, if you can find a study that has opposite results, please let me know.

Stevia has some other issues that I'll talk about tomorrow. It doesn't cook well and other things. Whatever. I don't want to argue. Use Stevia or sugar or whatever you want. I'm just telling you that Splenda works best fr me.

Low-cal desserts ... HERE I COME!!

Santa Blog

2008-12-29T09:46:00.000-08:00

Santa brought me a yoga mat. Santa brought me a yoga mat.

Santa Matt bought me a yoga mat to be more specific. I asked for it on a short list of possible gifts. And it was under the tree on X-mas morning. I TRIED doing crunches and balance exercises on my floor thinking that carpet would be enough of a cushion but ... it ain't. So now, all those muscle building exercises I have been promising ... will maybe happen. For sure ab exercises will happen as I have done those without the mat but found it painful. So I know I will do them now with the mat.

SO much drinking and eating and being merry during this holiday season that I have a lot of work cut out for me in January. Oy. But I've decided to look at it like something I am gonna enjoy. I DO think I'm gonna feel better overall so ... that I am looking forward to with gleeful anticipation.

I am going to have a healthy breakfast with a friend so I have to run. Just a few more days of the holidays and THEN I buckle down. Really.

Blogmates

2008-12-23T10:27:00.000-08:00

Blgoimsm

2008-12-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

Blog's chance

2008-12-18T09:40:00.000-08:00

I love me some Ruby. I've been watching her show religiously on Style. If you don't know about her, here is a taste. Oh I love that southern flavor.

Walking in a blog

2008-12-18T09:01:00.000-08:00

It is impossible to blog without electricity.

So listen, December is crazy and it is winning in the war of Blog V. Christmas. I'm gonna do my dangdest to come here and share on a regular basis, but I am afraid you may have to be satisfied with semi regular. We have been having electrical problems in the apt and the electricity kept blinking out and back on every hour or so. I'm SURE that's as maddening as water boarding. Seriously. Impossible to blog when your electricity keeps blinking out and your computer has to reboot every few minutes.

THEN we had an electrician here yesterday for 9 hours. That wouldn't usually be a problem but it was overcast so I was trying to do everything by candle light. You realize that colors don't look the same by candle light. Right? So wrapping presents was a push. It's VERY hard on the eyes to sign Christmas cards in the dark. Here's what I learned from my plight ... electricity is good.

Okay so I only have a minute and I just wanna talk about Weight Watchers cookbooks. WW as a program didn't really work for me as you may remember me telling you. If I have 15 points in a day I will eat them all in one sitting and not eat the rest of the day. That's not how my body works. I have to eat every couple of hours and I have to eat mostly protein. And i have to drink water and work out and ALL SORTS OF STUFF! So the program didn't work. But the COOKBOOKS ... they are really worth picking up and giving a try. I have used my most recent to cook up that stuff I bought at the store for a week of meals. Good stuff. REALLY good stuff. I made a couple of different pastas. I made pan fried catfish. I made flat bread sandwiches. Now ... to be honest, my eating has been out of control. I stepped on the scale today and I have gained five pounds in the last two weeks. That's some emotional stuff about my career and money and stuff so I am working it out. I can tell you that my recent weight gain is NOT about the recipes from the WW cookbook.

So I'm up 16 pounds from my goal and I have a party on Saturday and I need to fit into a dress I bought. So ... we'll see if that happens. I might need to lose a limb or something to make that happen. Do you remember in The Grimm Brother's Cinderella that the ugly step sisters cut off parts of their feet to make them fit into the glass slipper? True. Look it up. I bet the ugly step sisters were southern. Southern women will do ANYTHING to keep a man. I will qualify that by saying: that's how it was when I lived in the south. It's been 20 years. Maybe things have changed.

Anyhoo, I'll keep you posted.

Blog, Sweet Blog

2008-12-12T10:01:00.000-08:00

Here's why I can't go to the market and plan meals for the week. Remember I told you I went and got stuff for three days. Well, I actually got stuff for FOUR days and then what happened? It turns out I have plans that take me out of the house four out of seven nights and another of those nights Matt had some chili because I was trying to finish up projects and didn't have time to cook. I do NOT understand the kind of life that allows for cooking more than twice a week. I mean, I remember thinking I never wanted to learn to cook because I thought it was too domestic and I never wanted to be that. But I met some cooks and ... turns out cooking can be creative and fun and almost zen. I don't meditate while I cook because then things would burn and be ruined and I would have wasted money and stuff. But It's very methodical and you must do it in a certain order and it's measured and ... controlled. And at the end you get a tasty treat. What's better than that?

Well, I froze the fish and beef and hope it will be as tasty when I get to it. FINGERS CROSSED. I also have to find time to do a trial run at my low cal chocolate cookies that I'm taking to a Christmas party. I find that with recipes, ESPECIALLY low cal recipes, you have to do a trial run because they never seem to turn out right the first time. You do it once and then you have to RE-do it and adjust it to taste better to your palate. Like ... add butter and sugar. NO! I'M KIDDING!! I find that Splenda works fine for my stuff. If you are afraid that Splenda is gonna cause cancer or make your arm fall off or cause a second head to grow or something, that's your cross to bear. I use Splenda instead of sugar and Smart Balance instead of butter and Eggbeaters instead of eggs and whole wheat flour. Sometimes I do half and half on eggs and flour, but even half and half saves calories. I'm not good with going without. I have to substitue.

Anyhoo, so much for the grocery store for the week plan. That's for people without a crushing social calendar.

Blog madness

2008-12-11T11:52:00.001-08:00

Life has GOT to f'ing settle down. I cannot keep auditioning every f'ing day without a booking. I need to work or I need to have the day to get things done in my life. Are you listening, universe? Even doctors aren't on call all day, every day, even if they are on a different continent. I have had to come home early from vacations. NO, I'M NOT KIDDING!

This is the glamorous side of what I do. I don't even try to plan my day until about 8:00 pm the night before because I can get auditions for the next day as late as 7:30 pm. But after that I plan my day and I plan it out FULLY. You know what I'm sayin'. I fill it up. So to get a call saying, you have an audition TODAY ... for the SECOND DAY IN A ROW ... throws your life into a tail spin. And that's really not cool this close to Christmas ... and a yard sale.

Did I mention I'm having a yard sale? Go the the website and ask if you are interested. www.imperfect10.com

I promise I won't coat the products in stress.

All my kingdom for a blog

2008-12-10T09:45:00.001-08:00

Okay so Oprah is gonna talk about getting fat. Again. And listen, I know she's embarrassed, but ... I, for one, am gonna feel really great listening to her. I don't have her reasons cuz I'm not one of the most sought after women on the planet. I am not jetting off to Africa at the drop of a hat and meeting with President Elects and stuff. But I also don't have personal chefs and a personal trainer to motivate and inspire me daily. So I'm REALLY excited to hear what she has to say. Cuz here's the thing, people who are thin or thinner LEAN that way. Like ... okay ...

On the Style Network's show, Ruby, about the 478 pound woman who is on her journey to lose weight ... one of her best pals is a gal who loves to cook and makes these artery clogging, heart stopping meals for herself and Ruby and their friends. Right? Fried this and cheesy that. But Ruby's friend ... is not a big girl. To be clear, her friend USED to be a skinny girl and now is just a regular gal but my point remains the same. Ruby's friend (who I believe is named Georgia), doesn't struggle and she eats heavily caloric stuff. Not only daily but for every meal. SOME people are predisposed to thinness and some to chubbiness.

The Biggest Loser. Okay so ... Oprah did a follow up on some of these people. For some of them, when they went back to normal life they gained a lot of the weight back. Because for some of us, ... me, JUST eating less doesn't work. It's an entire "program" of things. Eat X-number of calories and NO MORE, drink 10 glasses of water, eat every 2 - 3 hours, more protein than anything else, no booze, no sweets and work out five hours a week. THAT is not an average existence and not many of us can maintain that. Can you REALLY eat every 2 - 3 hours if you have a regular job? Can you REALLY work out five hours a week if you have a job AND kids? Can you REALLY cut out booze and sweets if you have a very full social calendar like I do? It's just not realistic. Also ... do you WANT to be a slave to those kinds of restrictions? I don't and I don't think Oprah wants to either.

We'll see. I can't read her mind even though ... I wish I could. I'd love to answer that Gail question once and for all. But I hope she knows that when she speaks, she is speaking to many of us and for many of us. I want her to shed the embarrassment. Poor thing. Wealthy folks have feelings, too. If she can't get over the shame ... I suggest she take a long, relaxing bath ... in hundreds and fifties and wash her hair with rare gems.

I'm feeling tension in my blog

2008-12-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

No. I didn't get to muscle build but that's not my fault this time. Really. I'm not kidding. I was BALLS TO THE WALLS all f'ing day. ALL DAY! I didn't get on the treadmill until 8 pm. That's no joke. I'm not taking the heat on this one. December is kicking my ass and I am feeling anxiety about it so get off my back.

I went to the grocery. Well, I went to a COUPLE of groceries because I couldn't get everything I needed at one. I bought stuff for three meals and a dessert because I couldn't handle the amount of money it would cost to get everything for the week. This is an adjustment period. I made a southwestern chicken pizza and a salad and it rocked! 305 calories a slice - a BIG slice.

I'm getting waves of anxiousness so I really have to run. And by "run" I mean a full out sprint. I'm not walking fast or leisurely jogging. I'm full on, lung aching, ugly face sprinting. Here's the BAD news, stress makes you hold onto weight. I have to have a little chat with the almighty.

2008-12-08T08:50:00.000-08:00

December is a beeee-atch. No?

Here's ONE of the things I have to do today. I am gonna do that thing I've heard of where you plan meals for the week and then go to the store and buy all the stuff you need. Right? I have never done this because usually I don't really know what I want to eat until that day or even ... that evening. And I have never wanted to fence myself into a meal because I bought all the stuff. Heaven knows that I have definitely done that thing where you go to the store and get the stuff and then decide AGAINST that meal when the time comes and then some of if not all of that stuff goes south and you never get that meal. Are you feelin' me? I had to throw in some mock gangstah cuz I'm feeling so domestic and frumpy with this talk. BUT IT'S GONNA BE WORTH IT! Not only am I gonna save calories, but I'm gonna save money and many, many guilt minutes. Just me again?

I'll let you know how it goes. I need to do this since I went a little nutty with the eating and drinking this weekend. OH! And the muscle building begins today! Really! I'll keep you posted.

Do blogs go potty in the jungle?

2008-12-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

I don't mean to neglect you it's just ... life is testing me. My busy level is oft times untenable.

But anyway, I weighed in yesterday and the bad news is that I had only lost half a pound since last month. But the good news is that I went to Vegas and drank a lot and have not been diligent about my calorie counting and I lost half a pound!! Right? Accentuate the positive as Baloo would say in The Jungle Book.

Look, I do not suggest keeping your head in the sand like an ostrich although I don't even know if ostriches actually do that, but I suggest that when you are noticing the bad stuff and beating yourself up and feeling like a failure and worthless and all that, take a sec, take a breath and ALSO take a long look at the good stuff. Cuz, listen, don't you find when you are looking at your failures that you feel like you just want to put on your comfy jammies, go to bed and cover up and sleep and dream happy dreams? You don't feel inspired to get up and get out and go accomplish something. Right? Or some feelings similar. So focusing solely on the things you are NOT and the things you CANnot and the things you HAVE not done or feel you will never do ... how is that helping? Right? So don't ignore the stuff that needs to be changed or worked on, but give yourself your due. If you don't take the time to realize everything that makes you unique, you're NEVER gonna be able to change the things that are making you feel sleepy.

Accentuate the positive. And don't forget to do something for yourself. Preferably something fun. If you are always doin' stuff for others ... that's too long a conversation for this posting. I'll go on and on and on about that next time. Can you wait?

Blogs can be thankful, too

2008-12-03T09:29:00.000-08:00

Miss me? Okay then. Whatever. I thought you might miss me. My mistake.

Vegas was really fun. It was White Trash weekend, apparently. The UP side of that is Matt and I got treated like royalty. We were nicely dressed, we said please and thank you, we tipped and we had ALL of our teeth. This meant our waitress was always around with refills and a smile. The bartender didn't charge us for drinks sometimes. Our waiter stood and chatted with us and told us his life's story. The cabbies complimented us and always took the short route. One even dropped us off at the VIP entrance that we would never have known existed if we hadn't been there on White Trash weekend. So it was cool.

We ate at Boa Steakhouse and I had the Thanksgiving special thing they had. I even ate the Brussels sprouts and I HATE Brussels sprouts. Here's the great thing about eating out on the holidays. There are no leftovers in my kitchen and in my refrigerator calling to me late at night to come in and lovingly eat them all up. There is no clean up. And I only eat the one plate of food at a meal. I don't go back for seconds. And thirds. It was cool! Expensive, but cool. We saved money on the room and had a small gambling budget so ... we were cool with the price tag of the meal. Did I mention no leftovers?

Got my MonaVie in the mail. Matt and I are doing this three month thing and then getting our blood work done so I'll let you know if this acai berry works it's magic.

Now it's time to get my act together and get going on Christmas. Right?

A blog doesn't know from self hatred

2008-11-25T23:24:00.000-08:00

Okay so that MonaVie is also strangely filling. I have been mixing it with Squirt and I occasionally toss in an ounce of Vodka upon the saleswoman's orders and ... it's filling. I mean, i also just drink it by itself and it helps fill me up that way also but ... with the soda added ... it's shocking how filling it can be. I'm just putting it out there.

Now I'm going to Vegas for Thanksgiving so i won't be writing again until the Monday after Thanksgiving. Can you make it through without me? I'm gonna bet you can. Here are a couple of things to think about over the holiday of giving thanks by eating and eating until you have lost all feeling in the lower quadrant of your body:

1) Turkey is already a low calorie fowl. I am not sure how yours is prepared because when you add butter and oils and stuff it gets less low cal, but if you eat the white meat it's mostly a low cal deal already so you don't have to feel badly about eating it. In fact, if you wanna fill up on that and veggies you'd be stylin' and profilin'.

2) Potatoes? I would suggest those caulitatoes that you can find on PaulaLeen.com. It's basically ONE li'l ole potato and a whole bunch of cauliflower that has been boiled and mashed or pureed with some light sour cream, some fat free milk, some minced garlic and salt and pepper. I'm here to tell you that you WON'T know the diff and you will cut your calories by a gazillion and add fiber and eat potatoes all guilt free and all. What's THAT worth to you?

3) Try to stay away from or take a SMALL portion of stuffing. OR ... make that the dish YOU bring and then make it with whole grain croutons (you will probably have to toast them yourself) and low fat stuff like Smart Balance instead of butter and fat free chicken broth and then add lost of stuff like celery and onion and mushroom and maybe ... raisins or something. Here's a pretty good recipe I found online:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Sonyas-Special-Turkey-Stuffing/Detail.aspx

4) Fill your plate up with WHATEVER vegetables are available at your table.

5) There are TONS of great low cal and/or low fat dessert recipes online. I'm ALL about substituting so you can get a sweet treat and feel like you are partaking in the festivities without being consumed with self hate and regret the following day or ... moments later. Just me? Okay. That's cool.

I hope that helps. Oh and ... stay away from Marie Calendar's pies. I crap you NOT! those freakin' pies are the highest calorie pies of any I can find, even including frozen Sara Lee pies and stuff. They are ... very tasty but ... not tasty enough for them to be HUNDREDS of calories per slice. There's a VERY good Apple Brown Betty recipe on the website if you are looking for a low cal dessert. Just don't trust Marie. She's sneaky. She's the kinda gal who borrows your favorite blouse and keeps "forgetting" to return it. She's the kind of gal who flirts with your fella and tells you HE hit on her. She's the kind of gal who runs and tells your girlfriend who's NOT invited to the exclusive Christmas party, the one you asked her NOT to tell about the exclusive Christmas party, that she wasn't invited and causes you to lose a friend who you would have rather have had for ... well, at least until after the holidays. Don't trust Marie C.

A workin' blog

2008-11-25T08:13:00.000-08:00

Busy, busy, busy. I'm gonna spit one out for ya, though. 'Cuz I'm a giver.

Just ordered two more cases of MonaVie for my honey and me. That rhymes. Matt said he really felt a difference in his energy levels and what I think I like the most is that I don't have to worry about him getting his allotted veggie count for the day. I KNOW if he drinks this stuff that he will be getting plenty of fiber and vitamins and minerals and stuff. After three months on this miracle juice, we're gonna go get our numbers checked and see if it has made a diff. I'll keep you informed.

I DID get on the treadmill on Friday. I didn't get on it again since because I've been busy or tired or lazy. And NO i didn't start the muscle building thing yet. Boy ... that thing is really eluding me. But I made you a promise so I will definitely do it. And since this is an "advice" or "insights" sort of blog thing, then I'm gonna tell you that I ABSOLUTELY believe that the muscle building is the answer to my weight woes; my "obese" woes. The research I have done all confirms that muscle burns fat and my observation is also that folks who have muscles have less difficulty with their calories and eating and fat burning and self loving and ... lifting ... things. And who doesn't want that?

I have to run because obese or not, I'm VERY popular.

More tomorrow.

Walk the blog

2008-11-21T09:37:00.001-08:00

I think I MAY be or AM the only person on the PLANET who can gain weight when she gets sick. Here's why: When I get sick I sleep. It's about ALL I do. I don't eat. That's the truth. I might have a bowl or soup or two bowls of soup. Not kidding. Nor am I exaggerating. But what happens is that my metabolism slows down SO much that it is almost in a coma. So then no matter what I eat it doesn't burn off. And if I don't eat at all ... my metabolism seems to screech to a halt before hitting a brick wall and I STILL don't lose weight. If I eat ... at all ... even if I just eat a bowl of soup a day I gain weight. I GAIN WEIGHT!

So just before getting sick I had lost a pound. I was THRILLED with having lost a pound. I had been hovering at the same weight for two months so I was really thrilled with a pound. Now ... I'm up from there 2 and a half. Can you believe that crap? Can ... you ... be ... lieve ... it?

Since I'm feeling a little bit better I'm gonna get on the treadmill today for 20 minutes at a slow, regular walk. I have to try to jump start my metabolism and I don't have any other kinda jumper cables. Ya know? If that works then the muscle building plan will begin tomorrow. You think I'm lying because I keep SAYING I'm gonna do muscle building but it never seems to happen. Right? I'VE BEEN SICK! Man. Have you no compassion? I'm gonna do that dreaded muscle building. I will. I don't make empty promises. I just procrastinate and/or get sick. What can ya do?

But seriously. MonaVie, happy thoughts, jump start the metabolism and muscle build. I stand by all that. I stand by it. I'm tired. I need a nap.

Blog hit blog

2008-11-20T09:39:00.000-08:00

I hesitate to say it but I think I'm on the mend. I BETTER be. I have barely been out of the apartment for a week and all I seem to do is sleep 24/7. BORING. I need to be done with that. I'm getting out of the house and running errands today so hopefully I won't overdo it.

I stand by the positive thinking slash happy thoughts outlook. I stand by the MonaVie thing. And as soon as I'm well I'm gonna start muscle building like I talked about. Seriously. I don't make empty promises and proclamations. I am gonna do that thing and let you know the results. I will. I mean, listen, I watched Extreme Makeover the other day because it always makes me cry and ... I saw this one about this southern guy from Kingsport, Tennessee (I have relatives there) who had lost 200 pounds in one year. He had done it the hard way. But ... his skin didn't bounce back. Need I say more? Oh man. It was truly difficult to look at and imagine. Now, I don't know why it is that happened because he's young enough for his skin to bounce back. I have a friend who got the gastric bypass at the same age, he had always been VERY big, he lost 180 or something and HIS skin bounced back. So ... I don't know but I suspect that muscle building might have something to do with it. (he also didn't eat enough protein and was somewhat anemic. Sorry vegetarians. YAY protein. I loves me some cheese.) So I'll do it. I'll muscle build and report back. I DON'T WANT TO, but I will.

In the meantime, for those of you who haven't been feeling well and haven't been able to work out, like myself, get off your own backs. I had to and it helped. I mean, I was on my back in BED and on the COUCH ... sleeping. But I had to stop beating myself up about not getting anything done. It doesn't help. Who knew?

Happy blog is a healthy blog

2008-11-19T09:53:00.000-08:00

You're gonna think I'm nuts. You will. Cuz I kinda think I'm nuts.

So yesterday I suggested that a good attitude can make you well. So I adjusted. And ding dang it if I didn't feel better. Now ... I woke up feeling all congested and sneezy and all that again, but I think I can apply the same tactics, take some vitamins and some meds and feel better. I THINK that will help.

HOWEVER ... my fella had a similar thing happen and he relapsed. He had to go to the doc this morning. So waking up this morning all messed up again might be the darn cold waking up from it's nap, but I am gonna choose to use the technique of positive thinking and see if it works again today.

I'll let you know.

In the meantime my fella wanted me to mention that the MonaVie has really improved his energy level. Seriously. It has kept him regular which may be too much info but it's a good thing so I'm gonna mention it, and he said he would have had a much more difficult time with this cold had it not been for the MonaVie. I'm just sayin'.

I feel like crap so I need to focus and get happy. I'll check you tomorrow. (happy thoughts, bunnies and puppies, merry go rounds and beaches, foot massages and online shopping, surprise checks in the mail and long vacations, good TV and a comfy couch, pretty dresses and professionally done hair, yummy food and strong cocktails, being able to breathe through my nose and not coughing for a full day ... happy thoughts)

UnderBlog

2008-11-18T11:09:00.000-08:00

Still sick. Don't wanna talk about it. Now we are trapped in our apartment because they are painting the front steps. This must be how our hamsters felt. Not that I could leave anyway cuz ... I'm sick. But I'd LIKE to have the option.

So here's what I need to do and the advice I offer for today. I need to change my freakin' attitude. I have a friend named Micah who NEVER gets sick. One thing he does is he takes naps. He is an early riser and gets a lot done, then takes a nap and gets more done after he rises from said nap. That helps him stay well I feel sure. The OTHER thing he does is ... he laughs a LOT (cuz he's a funny dude) and he has an "all things are possible" attitude. I REALLY think that keeps him healthy.

I also have a friend who DOES get sick but NEVER lets it stop her from going and doing. And she has a similar approach. Her approach is just to take her vitamins, medicate and then make like she's not sick and go forth.

So I'm working on being positive in the face of feeling crappy. I'll et you know how it goes, but it's certainly my advice to everyone even if I'm not capable of doing it when I'm sick. I'm not superhuman, ya know!

Sick as a blog two?

2008-11-17T11:01:00.001-08:00

Sickity, sickity, sick, sick, sick. I think the key is to be married to someone you do NOT enjoy kissing because then you might be able to avoid getting his germs. I got the germs. And now I'm sicky. It only lasted a few days with Matt which means it should only last a week with me. Right?

Just had my TheraFlu. Gotta go back to bed.

More tomorrow.

Loyal blog

2008-11-14T09:23:00.000-08:00

Okay so the hu'ban' is sick which means that before long, I'm probably gonna be sick. Or ... that's how it has happened every time in the past 12 years when he gets sick. (The Secret people would chide me right now for putting that energy out in the world. I'm just playing the odds.) Now, to be clear, when I get sick he doesn't necessarily get sick cuz he's got this nutso constitution that keeps him crazy healthy even though he eats a lot of pizza and chips with pineapple/chipotle salsla. But if HE gets sick, that means the bug or germ is mondo powerful and I do NOT have a strong constitution so ... I get it. And what all of THAT means is that I have to run to the store this morning and stock up on things like soup and crackers and Emergen-C and stuff to get us through this. Oy.

But about MonaVie... If you don't know what it is ... http://whatismonavie.blogspot.com/2006/10/what-makes-mona-vie-so-unique.html. Read that but also read all the other stuff, too. There are always two sides to a story.

Basically it's supposed to be a miracle in a bottle. It's a whole bunch of different fruits and vegetables concentrated into a juice so you can get your daily recommended allowances in a two ounce shot in the morning and another in the evening. The secret ingredient is the Acai berry. It's a Brazilian berry that has been deemed a "super food" because it's a source of protein and healthy fats and vitamins and minerals and it helps the blood circulate (and keeps your arteries clear) by messing with the unsaturated fatty acids. MonaVie also boasts that it will help you lose weight, keep you "regular", rid you of bloat, lower your cholesterol and blood pressure, clear up your skin ... cure the common cold, get rid of gray hair, remove wrinkles, lift your breasts (if you're a woman), make your wang hard longer (if you're a man), cause you to unage, magically make money appear in your bank account and brings about world peace. I'm exaggerating for humor. You knew that, right?

Anyhoo, it has a plummy color and a very thick juice consistency. It tastes tangy. It's VERY fruity with a little bit of a veggie taste thrown in but it's SO much better than V8 so don't worry about that. Plus ... it's two ounces at a shot. Oh, and I add an once of vodka to my night drink since I was told Vodka infuses something or causes the goodness to burst forth in some way. I don't know. The gal said it was cool to do that so that's kinda what sold me.

Matt and I are doing it together and we've polished off a bottle so far. I'll let you know at the end if we see a difference. But please be forewarned that it's EXPENSIVE. I find the money because I have blood pressure and weight issues and Matt has cholesterol levels that hover on the highest possible end of normal. For us it's worth it if it actually works. You would have to decide that yourself. I'm SURE if you bought the equivalent of that many fruits and vegetables for the month it might be comparable, but it's still a bunch to dole out at one time.

MonaVie. It's only one of several products with the Acai berry in it so you MAY be able to find one that's cheaper. But do the research first. We live in the era of information, folks. No reason to believe everything you read or hear. Even if it is me who would NEVER lie to you because there's nothing in it for me. ;-)

Blog chases rabbit

2008-11-13T09:41:00.000-08:00

Got another crazy morning, kids. No time. I'm like that neurotic rabbit in Alice in Wonderland. And just about as distracted.

But I'll talk to you tomorrow about this MonaVie that you've been hearing so much about. We're doin' it and I'll give you some initial feedback tomorrow.

Working like a blog

2008-11-12T09:47:00.000-08:00

I don't think Curves is for me.

I think this joint is a good idea. It's just for women. It's a small and unimposing kind of place. It's just one room with machines in a circle. And there's a stretching area. Nothing fancy. Nothing daunting. So the way it works is the machines are in a circle and you start on any one of them. You do the machine for 30 seconds and then a pretty voice comes over the loud speaker that says, "Change machines now," or something like that. So you move to the next one and do it for 30 seconds. You go around the circle twice and it's supposed to be about 30 minutes total. But ... the machines don't offer me the work outs my chiropractor says I need and ... I think it would take me a LOOOOONG time to build muscle on those particular machines.

I have to come up with another plan but it's GOT to be cost effective. A personal trainer at 45 - 75 dollars an hour is NOT cost effective. They want you to THINK it is, but it ain't. I want to give them suggestions on pricing options. How do you think they would take to that? Oy.

I'm still on the hunt. Dang it. I'll keep you posted.

It ain't heavy. It's my blog.

2008-11-11T09:26:00.000-08:00

Sorry I missed yesterday. I had an audition and I was WORN OUT from a crazy weekend. SO busy and full of girl issues.

Today I go to check out the Curves gym near my house. I'll let you know. I've heard not so much good stuff about it but I have belonged to other gyms and I hated them and never went. So at least I know I wouldn't dread going to this one and I would do it. I have to build muscle, like I said the other day, so I can be ... not obese.

I'm sure I mentioned this but I just want to take this chance to repeat that I DON'T WANNA! I lifted weights in highschool one summer and I lifted weights in college as one of my P.E. requirements (along with tennis and tap), but I didn't like it then and I'm not looking forward to it now. Okay. I'll work on my attitude. While I'm working on my attitude towards lifting weights I'll also work on my attitude towards class. I don't really look forward to either. Class ALWAYS pays off though as I am sure weights will so I need to stow it and get busy.

[heavy sigh]

I can do it. Our attitude about our lives are what make our lives fulfilled. Billi Jean King said that.

The blog too lazy to bark

2008-11-07T10:39:00.000-08:00

The gal I check in with tells me the word "obese" has gotten misconstrued. Really? Huh. How so?

Well, so apparently there are several classifications of obesity. You know, like a little bit obese and a little more and a lot and the a lot more, etc. I'm GUESSING that those are the classifications. That's how I would break it down if I were on some sort of classification board or team or whatever. So yesterday when I checked in I found out that after losing 70 pounds and working out every damn day and eating 1400 calories a day, according to my BMI (body mass index) ... oh yes. You know what I'm gonna say, right? Uh huh. Yup. I'm classified as a little bit obese.

I was not pleased. I got ALL UP IN my gal's face. Here's how she talked me down from the ledge. Obese just means "overweight." Okay, well ... I know I'm carrying some extra weight but I'm okay with that if I'm healthy and cute and feel good about me. Basically this "point of obesity" is the point at which you are more at risk of developing high blood pressure and complications from such, high triglycerides, type 2 diabetes and all that stuff. It varies for age, height, body frame and resting metabolic rate and blah blah blah. But here's what I say ... don't tell people they are obese if they work out all the time and eat 1400 calories cuz ... you know what that makes them wanna do. Right? Oh yes. I drank me some wine and ate me some snacks. I did. I SHO' did.

Here's why I didn't put a weapon in my mouth. These danged numbers are guidelines. The number on the scale and the BMI and your resting metabolic rate and your suggested caloric intake and your blood sugar and your blood pressure and on and on. They are ALL parts of a puzzle and no one of them should be taken alone and obsessed upon. The deal with me is that my muscle to fat ratio is causing me to register as obese. So I gotta build some freakin' muscle. I don't wanna. I don't want ... to. But I want to burn fat better and I want to have better bone density given all my chiropractic problems and I want to stay mobile for a very long time. So I'm gonna have to suck it up, change my attitude so I WANT to do it and then ... do it.

DAMMIT!

But I will change my attitude. When I start feeling more comfortable in my bathing suit I'm gonna be really glad to do it. Right? I mean ... right?

I had rather be a blog, and bay the moon

2008-11-06T07:45:00.000-08:00

Sorry I missed yesterday. I had a happiness hangover. Well ... I had a happiness and champagne hangover. But I'm not gonna get political.

Right now I'm just stressed because I have to weigh in this morning and the scale is saying there are 16 extra pounds on me. I'm NOT kidding. And this is AFTER the two week moratorium where Matty lost weight and I didn't. What the F? Right?

I'm not sure how I'm gonna address this in my weigh in but something has to give.

I'll let you know what she says and what advice she dispenses.

The tail wags the blog

2008-11-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

No time. No time. No time. Gotta get going this morning. Sorry. Gotta go vote. I had nightmares all last night that the clock was running out and I couldn't get to the polls for various reasons and before I knew it the time was gone, and I didn't get to vote. So I actually awoke BEFORE my alarm clock and got up and got going.

I don't care who you are voting for. I mean, I do but more than that I hope you will exercise your right to vote. Especially if you are a woman or a person of color. We fought long and hard to be recognized and to have a voice in this country. I hope you will not squander those efforts.

Vote. Please vote. THEN you can drink.

Recycle blog bones here

2008-11-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

Went to my chiro Thursday for my foot. My foot was hurting in the arch a little. Turns out I have a bit of a fallen arch and ... the vertebrae in my neck were stuck causing strain on my back and shoulders. And my middle back was out of alignment. And my pelvis. I mean ... what?! So after 40 minutes of adjustments and silent conversations with my body and my skeleton, I couldn't work out. I'm hoping my weight vest isn't causing any of these problems because I'm not ready to give it up. Won't. Don't tell me to. Not gonna.

I wasn't as hungry as usual on Thursday, but I did still end up eating 1450 calories. That's because I went too long between eating and when I got home from the doc I was all famished and started grabbing things and putting them in my mouth while I was preparing something healthy to eat (left over Spanish Shrimp... that I made the day before. Yep. I made it.). But I swore to count every calorie that went in my mouth so I wrote it all down and by 6 pm, long before dinner, I had already had 715 calories. I was SURE I wasn't gonna get through the day with 1,000 calories so I set my sights on 1200 and put my head down put held my shoulders back like my chiropractor suggested strongly. Didn't make 1200 either.

By the by ... I'm fairly certain Matty has lost weight by doing nothing other than eating healthy. Or ... healthily. Is that a word? I don't know which is correct but you get my meaning. He never stepped on a scale, but I'm gonna say ... 8 pounds. That's the number I played on the weight loss roulette wheel. I didn't lose because of my stupid adrenals that I want to smack really hard and shove into a plaster wall until they start loving me more. Isn't that how you make things love you?

But Oprah made me feel better like she does most days. She had The Biggest Loser folks on that day and some of them were sharing how they have NOT kept the weight off. And ... I know it's only been a couple of years but I've kept all but 12.5 pounds off so far so I'm feeling good. Or I'm CHOOSING to feel good. What I'm NOT doing is saying, "It's only twelve pounds. That's cool." Cuz ... ten pounds is a size and now I can't wear a lot of my clothes so ... it's not cool.

I WANT TO GET FIVE OFF! Dang it. Why can't my body hear my goals and just comply? I mean ... what the h-e-double-toothpicks?

Happy All Hallow's Blog!!

2008-10-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

A blog will quickly turn you into a fool, but who cares?

2008-10-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

I gotta make this quick cuz I gotta be in the valley in, like ... two minutes ago.

So I ate 1250 calories yesterday and I'm gonna say that's pretty good. What I would LIKE to say is that it was a breeze. And part of the truth is that it WAS a breeze for the bulk of the day. Then I worked out for an hour on the treadmill and it was dinner time and from then until I fell asleep around 3 am I was hungry. That's the weird catch 22. When I don't work out I can make that 1000 - 1200 calories work for me much easier. When I work out I get HUUUUNNNNGGRRYY.

I don't know what the answer is cuz I can't take appetite suppressants cuz of my blood pressure concerns. I guess I'm gonna have to do what Bob Greene says on Oprah. I'm gonna have to get comfortable with hunger. I don't really care for that Bob Greene. I don't really care for feeling hungry. But, do you know anybody like my fella? I'll ask him if he's hungry and he'll tell me he is. But he hasn't made any moves to go to the kitchen. He hasn't really made any efforts to get food to put in his belly. He just ... sits with the hunger. Not ALWAYS but many times. How do people do that? When I'm hungry ... I can't concentrate. I can't think of anything else. It consumes my brain. I work really hard to distract myself. I'll go online or play a simple video game on the computer while watching TV. I read a book or find a chore to complete. Doesn't work. All I can think about is being hungry. That's why I suggest people stay ahead of the hunger. (that's what I wrote on the website)

Oy. I wish I could give you a more completely successful story and tell you it was a breeze and angels surrounded me and lifted me up and carried me though the day sprinkling me with fairy dust and sunshine. But it was a bit of a struggle. WORTH IT. But not easy.

Okay. I'll work on changing my attitude and approach. Get off my back! (how'm I doin' so far?)

2008-10-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

Holy cow! And by that I mean I saw myself on video last night and think I look like an unholy huge cow!

I'm sure that's not ENTIRELY true as I have set up that I have issues not the least of which is that I think I look like crap when I look cute AND ... vice versa. However, as I mentioned, I was in my acting class and it was scary movie night. We filmed it and watched it back. I saw myself on film, walking trepidatiously into the room and I was STUNNED that my belly preceded me into the doorway. Holy cow. I had worn black for the season and I thought I was not only adequately camoflauged but stylish and adorable. And maybe I was but it sure didn't look like it on film ... to me.

Now, that being said, I was fine with my performance. I should really focus on that since that is the purpose of the class. And I DID take that away with me. But... I looked like I had four stomachs. And they were all full. Of cud.

How do I turn this into a plus? Here's how I'm gonna do it: I have been feeling really irritated about needing to/having to count calories. It's been bugging me. Partly because I'm already going to GREAT lengths to eat all healthy and whole, so to have to count calories atop that has been bugging me. Not so much after last night. Oh no. NOW I am all, like, determined and shit. I'm pissed off. I didn't do years of work and research and sacrifice (of calories) to have a big ole belly that isn't proportional to the rest of me. Unsightly. That's some bull. So I am going to staples and buying a couple of cute little notebooks that I will enjoy writing in and I'm gonna write down every motherf'ing thing that goes into my mouth. I am going to make SURE I get my freakin' water allowance. I'm gonna get this belly in tow.

Here's the thing ... when I was on the weight LOSS plan (not the maintenance plan) I went three pounds SOUTH of my goal but that's because I got the stomach flu. Over the few weeks following that I gained those three pounds and about five more and I stayed there for a year. I was FINE with that body but I wasnt' working ... as an actress. So I decided I could hover 8 - 10 pounds up from goal, work in my category and still be healthy. AND sitll be cute. It's a comfortable weight to maintain, also. It works on every level.

Well, right now the SCALE is saying one thing but my body and my BELLY are saying something else. So I am determined to get this under control. And get this ... I HAVEN'T HAD BOOZE IN 10 DAYS! That usually helps with the bloat. But not so much last night. Which, of course, makes me want a drink. HA!

Anyhoo, I'm fighting this belly in the next few days along with my no bad stuff plan. I'll be honest with you about it. I will.

Damn belly!

2008-10-28T07:55:00.000-07:00

Sorry I missed yesterday. This morning is my deadline to get all the new stuff, the November stuff, to my designer/computer guy for the website. So yesterday I was in an all out sprint to finish it all up. I am pretty sure I'm done. It should all be up and running and ready for your perusal on Nov. 7th.

So the update is that neither Matt nor I have cheated even one time on our "no bad stuff" program. I mean, it's only for two weeks. I feel like I can do just about anything for two weeks. Except maybe temp. I have NOT been so good on my calorie count. I have been eating closer to 1600 calories a day. Now, that's not bad. The average woman eats 1800 to 2000 calories a day. But, sadly, I'm not an average woman. When I am MAINTAINING I am only supposed to eat 1400 calories a day. So I'm actually eating enough calories to GAIN weight. Oy. I've been working out so I haven't gained weight but I also haven't lost any. It's a pain in my backside.

My blood pressure seems to be in check and that's really great news. That was the REAL goal. But I need to drop a few pounds. Seriously. I need to drop at LEAST three pounds.

Now ... I remember when that used to inFURIATE me when girls would complain about gaining five pounds. But it makes a difference. It's a hard thing for me to admit since that was a source of mocking for so many years. But five pounds makes a difference now. DAMMIT!

So the fight against calories continues. I will keep you posted. DAMN CALORIES!!

Train your blog from day one

2008-10-23T19:21:00.001-07:00

Let me talk a little bit about Weight Watchers.

Now, I think WW is a fine organization and a good plan and all that. It didn't work for me and here's why: If I am on a point system and I get, say ... 15 points in a day then what I will do is eat 4 points all day and save 11 points for my evening meal. Okay so that might actually work for some folks but since I have this weird whacked out adrenal situation, I didn't lose weight on that program. Not only did I not lose weight, but i would often GAIN a tenth or two tenths of a pound. And I was REALLY disciplined. If I had 15 points I would eat 15 points. Sometimes I would eat 14 points and save points for the weekend and ... look, I followed the program - is what I'm saying and it didn't work. I still suggest giving it a try if you haven't because it might work for you.

All of that mumbojumbo being said, WW has some ROCKIN' cookbooks. I have two now and I am diggin' both fairly largely. The latest one I got is called Weight Watchers 20 Minute Recipes and on the front ... a gorgeous picture of a stack of chocolate cookies. RIGHT?! And here's the thing, at the end of every recipe they have listed the points AND the calories and fiber and fat and all that. I am interested in calories and protein and so it works VERY nicely.

Here's the best thing though ... the recipes don't taste like they are low cal and so my honey eats them also. Night before last I made Salisbury steak with gravy. Oh ... you read that RIGHT, gang. GRAVY! And I ATE it. I don't even EAT red meat. But I used sirloin and it was only 7% fat and it was 217 calories per. I am NOT shitting you! I served it with seasoned snap peas and it rocked.

So I'm doing VERY well with the "no bad stuff" task, but I don't think I'm doing as well calorically as I want to do. That's okay, though cuz I got really serious about it yesterday and I did okay (1150 calories). I'll let you know as I go but in the meantime think about picking up that cookbook. The recipes are quick and easy, tasty and low cal and when YOU are doing the cooking you control the "bad stuff" quotient.

I hope I can maintain my excitement for the full two weeks. Anyone wanna wager?

Good blog. Gooooood bloooog.

2008-10-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

I am now starting day four of my two week moratorium on bad foods. Now, what I think it is important to say (in order to remind myself) is that there are a lot of really delicious food that is either organic or a whole food or ... whatever. So for ME, eating healthy is not enough. So as of today I am also counting my FREAKIN' CALORIES!

By this afternoon I will have changed my attitude and I will make it an exciting challenge. But right now I'm just facing the day and feeling like I need more flexibility. I'm feeling a little bit chained up and chained in. That is not the case, but that's how I'm feeling.

Allow me to report, however, that it has not been a problem to eat healthy for three days. You laugh at that statement, as you should, but I thought it might be. Matt is doing it with me and it is much harder for him. But I've been cooking and ...

I have to run, but I'll tell you more about meals and make some suggestions tomorrow.

1,000 to 1200 calories. 1,000 to 1200 calories. That's plenty. Right?

An honest person is not the worse because a blog barks at him/her

2008-10-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

As I've said several times before, I don't want to make this blog at all political. That's not what it's about. I'm only posting this video because it's my friend Danica and I think it's really funny and good. Here's the blurb she sent me:

"I was asked to be a part of this improvisational project (envisioned by Ron Howard) and I think it came out pretty well. There are 7 spots in the 'campaign'"

Here's the video:

If you wanna know more about Danica, she did TWO videos on my site. Go to Imperfect10.com and then click on the Body Language button. I think you may find you relate to her and she's pretty eloquent about the topic so ... go check her out.

A blog chasing it's tail only ends up back where it started

2008-10-21T08:23:00.000-07:00

Hey kids! I started my two week moratorium on bad stuff yesterday.

My blood pressure is up. I haven't had it officially tested yet but I know the signs. I get a ringing in my ears. I get blurred vision. I get sharp, pointy headaches at the base of my skull that come and go that feel like I'm about to have an aneurism at any moment. But mostly, I'm tired ALL the time. It's impossible to work out and take care of yourself when you are tired all the time. So I knew I had to get things back on track. Lesley, the gal I check in with once a month, told me all I needed was two weeks. Two weeks of eating right and exercising would get my metabolism back on track and get things all lined up again. So I decided to do it.

Now, the trick was talking to my fella. Cuz here's the thing, I need his help. He eats poorly and drinks regularly and that is very hard for someone with food issues. You know? It's like asking an alcoholic to make drinks everynight but not to partake. Does anyone REALLY think that if there are brownies in the house for a week that I'm not gonna even TASTE one? Or Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? Or Salt and Vinegar potato chips? Come on. I'm only human.

Anyhoo, he agreed to go on this thing with me. No bad food or booze for two weeks. It's not forever, right? It's not even that long. Right? So ... WHY DOES IT FEEL LIKE AN ETERNITY?!

I have to remind myself that I was on liquids for three weeks. Oh hell YES I was. If I can do that, I can do anything.

Two weeks. I'll keep you posted.

Oh, hey. I want to be clear about why I don't allow posts or responses here on the blog. 2 reasons. 1) I don't have time to check it daily to make sure no one is leaving dirty limericks or calling me a lipstick wearing pig. You know? 2) If you want to say something to me, I would prefer you write me on the site. Just go to Imperfect10.com and go to the contact page and write me there. This blog is really about the site and not vice versa. So If you wanna call me names or tell me I'm full of it or write me a love poem, please do it there.

Cool?

We often relate to blogs more than to any human being.

2008-10-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

The blog is the god of frolic

2008-10-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

I saw a great show last night. And listen, I was A) struggling with a heavy ... flow (I'm trying to be delicate), and B) my ER episode was on last night and I went out to the show anyway. Right? Those were two huge obstacles. Okay so ... yes. I was able to Tivo my episode and watch it when I came home but ... I still get points. Right? Would YOU have gone out to a show if your ER episode was airing? Okay then.

I'm really glad I went. SO fun and so enjoyable and entertaining. It's called Women's Night Out. If you are local or near local here in the greater Los Angeles area, you should by all means check it out. I'm not sure the BEST way/place to find info but it's probably here:
http://www.myspace.com/womensnightout

It's at M Bar on Vine once a month so the location would probably also have info.

M Bar
1253 N Vine St
Los Angeles, CA 90038
Phone: (323) 856-0036

Here is a fun video about waxing that Alicia did for the show. She bleeds for this show. And I mean ... literally.

Blog Schmog

2008-10-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

Periodical alert! Periodical alert! And I don't mean People Magazine.

Oh girls. Oh my goodness, girls. I got my lady time last night with no warning and it's a pisser this month. I don't know if "pisser" was the best adjective to use there, but you get my meaning.

So I'm a mess. Now I understand why I have been craving CRAP for the last week to 10 days. Now I understand why I'm retaining so much water. Now I understand why I'm tired and my blood pressure is up. This would be so much easier if my "visitor" was regular. But she ain't. You'd think I could kinda figure it out. But I cain't.

Anyhooo, I have to go now and find some comfy clothes that won't be binding all freakin' day long. (cue music) I love bein' a girl!

I am because my blog knows me.

2008-10-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's Hump Day. Right? I'm looking at my calendar and I have a pretty packed week. So I'm gonna give you another video to enjoy to get you over the hump. Here is the commercial and the product that claims that Dove and it's Campaign for Real Beauty ripped them off. I've been ripped off so many times I have lost count so I say ... when you figure out how to get justice for that, call me.

Oh and ... Dove did it better. At least they cast people who aren't TV gorgeous in their spots, unlike the following.

Blog time is real time

2008-10-14T08:00:00.000-07:00

I may have spoken about this before but I think it's a good time to bring it up again. It's this thing that I have also been experiencing ... the "I don't have time" thing. Mostly I think that's true for most of us if not all of us. But let's look at it just a little closer. Here's why...

I find ... I always have time to talk to my girlfriends on the phone when they have a problem. I find that I always have time to watch Oprah. I find that I always have time for lunch. I find I always have time to take a class or go to the movies or read the Twilight series of books by Stephanie Meyer. But I always seem to have trouble finding time to work out or cook or count my calories. Does that sound familiar? Anyone?

So ... make the time. Make the time to work out and to count your calories or carbs or points or protein or whatever it is you need to count to make a change in your life. Adjust your view on it. Convince yourself it's something you want to do as badly as watching Oprah and make the time. I often combine my Oprah watching WITH my working out and kill two proverbial birds. Because I'm GONNA watch my Oprah.

And how PISSED were LA residents when Oprah's show with Suze Orman got preempted for fire coverage? ONE HOUR OF FIRE COVERAGE! Listen, I understand the fires are real and important news but after the first segment it was the same info over and over and ... I WAS MISSING SUZE!!

Okay, I need to let it go. Oprah will rerun. And rerun and rerun. And I will ALWAYS be able to find the time to watch her. Which brings me back on track.

You know you can find the time. You know you can make the time. You know you can. So ... do it. You'll feel better.

A busy blog is a happy blog

2008-10-13T09:14:00.001-07:00

Sorry kids. My mornings have been taken hostage by life and I haven't been able to blog as regularly as I would have liked.

I didn't eat well at all over the weekend if that's at ALL on your minds. I sort of tried to keep track of my calories and I DID work out, but ... that's it. I didn't eat on a schedule or drink enough water. I didn't eat more protein than anything else and, of course, I drank. Cuz ... it was the weekend. Right?

Anyhoo, tomorrow. I PROMISE. If I have another demanding morning I'll either post late the night before (meaning tonight) or I'll get up early. OY.

A blog turns three times before laying down

2008-10-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry so late in posting. I am either coming down with a cold or I'm having a crazy allergy attack. Didn't sleep and I'm not feeling ... perky. It's probably because I'm not eating enough, right? HA! I joke.

I ate 1255 calories yesterday but I only drank 7 glasses of water. That's a problem when I work out cuz if I don't drink enough water when I exercise I retain water. When I retain water I don't "flush" effectively (go number 2) and I bloat and ... it's fun. And when I get sick nothing works right. Ugh.

So I'm gonna go take my miracle drug for colds, Antronex. I'm gonna Neti Pot and then see if I can actually face my day. But if I feel like this throughout the day, I will NOT be treadmilling. Sorry treadmill. I know you will miss me and feel neglected but I gotta knock this coldish thing out. I gotta kick this coldish thing's HIND QUARTERS! I gotta give it the boot. I've gotta hand it it's walking papers. I've gotta show it the door. I've gotta retire it early. I've gotta cut it loose just like Footloose. Please, Louise, pull me off of my knees.

A blog should be regularly fed

2008-10-07T09:29:00.000-07:00

Okay so yesterday I ate 1280 calories. So ... less than 1400 but more than 1000. Makes sense, really. I have a rebellious nature and I can sometimes start to feel really restricted and constricted by too many rules. So right in the middle is perfect for me.

Did I follow my plan? Let's look:

1) 80 ounces of water — Check. I kept a tally of every glass of water. And to be ABSOLUTELY accurate, my glass holds a little more than 9 ounces of water so ... I had 88 ounces of water actually. Nit picky. I know. But I have to cling to my successes. That's an extra glass of water, people.
2) 6 small meals — Check. I have these products I use during my periods of weight loss. The products I use are VHP (very high protein) and ProtiDiet and ProtiSnax — soups, bars, shakes, etc. They are all super low calorie and super high in protein. I find them mostly pretty filling. You will probably only find them online or in a specialty type store. (www.tristarmedical.com)
3) Each meal has more protein than anything else — Check. See number 2.
4) No more than 1400 calories and preferably 1000 — Half Check. I ate no more than 1400 but didn't meet the ultimate goal of 1000 in a day. Doh.
5) Exercise — Check. I did an hour on the treadmill. ACTUALLY ... I did 65 minutes on the treadmill. That's five minutes MORE than and hour. Yup. I can do math like that. That's a long time on a treadmill, people. However, I didn't do a HARD workout. I did a moderate workout. That's why I stayed on for an hour. Because I was walking at a moderate rate, I only worked off about 450 calories. I watched Tru Blood and a little bit of an old Oprah. I know that's not pertinent information but I think it makes it clearer how I could stay on that dang thing for so long. Good TV. Yes, it is! I don't want to argue about the shows I like!

Okay so ... I forgot to tell you one REALLY important rule for my weight loss. And I didn't do this yesterday so now I have to get on it. I have to eat a salad a day. I do.

I have discussed this on the website. There are a couple of schools of thought on this. I consider vegetables a NEGATIVE CALORIE food. What that means is, due to the high fiber content, it takes more calories for your body to process vegetables than vegetables have in them. I don't think I said that well but I hope you're getting the point. There are those who disagree vehemently. All I can say is ... when I eat a salad a day I lose weight faster. I have a great salad recipe on the site if you go to the Tragically Lazy Foodie page.

I didn't step on the scale today because that would be foolhardy and obsessive. I'll do it tomorrow. ;) I'll keep a li'l journal here for the next few days to let you know how many days in a row I can actually stick to my plan. That'll be fun for you, huh?

If you wish a blog to follow you ... feed it.

2008-10-06T10:01:00.000-07:00

So the month of indulgence is over. My anniversary, birthday with a couple of dinners and my gal pal's birthday dinner have NOT been kind to my hind quarters and mid section. I have decided to stop looking away and get bizaaay! That rhymes.

I have to stop making like I can eat what I want and drink to excess and never see the pounds on the scale. I have to stop kidding myself. You know how tiresome it is when someone is constantly teasing you anyway. Right? I sort of wanna punch myself in the lower mandible right now.

If you are interested, here is the plan:

1) 80 ounces of water a day - pure water. Not tea or coffee counted in. 80 ounces of water straight up, not shaken NOR stirred.
2) 6 small meals saving the substantial meal for the evening. I know it's the opposite of what you have been told for a million years, but that's what works for me both physically and mentally.
3) Each meal has to have more protein than anything else.
4) No more than 1400 calories in a day but preferably 1000 a day during the losing portion. That means writing down EVERY ... SINGLE ... CALORIE I consume.
5) Exercise ... every day. Carrying laundry baskets up and down the steps doesn't count. Picking up my 10 pound cat several times in a day, not in the exercise column. 45 minutes of sustained walking for me, you do what you want.

So instead of dreading it, I'm choosing to look at it like this wonderful thing I'm doing for myself. I'm viewing it as a fun challenge. It's a project. I am a project. I am an ongoing, neverending, all consuming project. I am that kind of project where, like, some days you look at the project and feel very proud and pleased and other days you look at it like there is still so much work to be done. But you wanna do the work because the project is special. You also know ... you will never finish it. And that's okay on some days cuz you like having projects but it can also occassionally feel exhausting. I am choosing to not be exhausted by the project that is me. Not this week.

I'll let you know tomorrow if I was able to get through even one day following all the rules. Wait, I'm gonna choose to call them guidelines and suggestions. That's one great thing the Republican party has taught me. Rules are sort of ... liquid.

Blog Tired 2

2008-10-03T11:44:00.000-07:00

The vice-presidential debate and subsequent ugly fights between friends after has exhausted me. I will check in on Monday.

A blog loves you more than you love yourself.

2008-10-02T11:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry friends. I have been remiss. Time constraints and all. Here's a short video/advertisement I love. I'll get chatty again tomorrow. Cool?

A hungry blog hunts best

2008-09-30T08:05:00.001-07:00

The universe is a strange and wonderful thing. Every time I think I'm gonna quit showbiz and do something less soul decaying, I book something. Or as Michael Corleone would say ... "It pulls me back in!"

So the thing I'm doing today/tonight is a small role in a film made using guerrilla tactics (and yes, I do know the difference between strategy and tactics), but it's a gig. And the big thing for me is that I booked it on reputation and relationship. I got a phone call asking, "Hey, you wanna do this?" THAT'S the place you hope to be or hope to eventually reach. Because, like Killian says on the website, it's the auditioning that's so saddening not the work.

I bring it up here because ... I don't have time to work out. I know it must seem that I am like so many others who struggle with their weight who FIND reasons not to work out. Well to quote the character Val Clarke from A Chorus Line, "That ain't it, kid." I don't lie to myself like that. If I don't want to work out, I don't workout. But I don't mind working out. I have my TV over the treadmill and I put in a movie or cue up a show and I'm off to the races. So I'm not looking for excuses. To not workout. (just wanted to say "workout" again)

But I GET looking for excuses. I don't judge it. 'Cuz unless you can find an excercise that you enjoy it just feels like work. And even then, sometimes you just won't have time. I'm not gonna waste time beating myself up over it. I have plenty other things to waste time beating myself up over. Like ... my career.

Speaking of which, I gotta run to this wardrobe fitting to find a Police costume to fit my 5' 2" frame. It could happen.

A house without a cat or a blog is the house of a scoundrel.

2008-09-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

Okay, so ... like ... if you are ever searching for something to do and you are feeling bored and want to know how to fill your empty hours, call me.

I told my friend Dinah once that I never get bored. She scoffed at me and said that was impossible. I wondered if it was, in fact, impossible so I have paid attention to that for 20 years. Nope. Never been bored. That I remember, anyway. I always seem to be able to find something to fill my time.

It may be pertinent here to explain that I actually ENJOY doing nothing. I enjoy laying around and day dreaming or watching the tube or surfing the net or just petting my cat. I LIKE having nothing on my itinerary for the day. So that MAY be why I have never been bored. BUT I also find that I have absolutely no trouble filling my time. None. So the days of laying around and day dreaming, watching the tube, surfing the net and petting my cat are virtually non-existent. I find myself envious of those women who call me and say, "What are you doing right now? You wanna grab a (fill in the blank with movie, drink, lunch, walk, etc)." What? How do they manage to have an extra hour with nothing to do? If I had an extra hour with nothing to do I would either find something I've been putting off doing and do that or ... day dream, watch the tube, surf the net or pet my cat. All good choices.

I always seem to have very full days. Of course, I schedule into my day that hour to watch Oprah. But since I have a page dedicated to her on my site, I now get to call that a necessity and not a luxury. But we all know the truth. STILL ... it's scheduled into my day, is what I'm saying.

Anyway, I would write more but I'm super crazy busy. I KNOW!! Sorry, I just cannot put off the petting of my cat any longer. Mañana, people.

Delinquent blogs become angelic when sitting.

2008-09-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

Sorry to let you down but I am still busy celebrating the day of my birth. Doing nothing can be REALLY exhausting. Plus ... I only did nothing for a day. Before and now after there are many plans. And I'm sort of tired just thinking about them.

But I'll be back on Monday with some more rants. Hang in there. Don't cry.

You don't own the blog, the blog owns you

2008-09-25T10:42:00.001-07:00

Today is my birthday. Here are the rules:

1) I can do whatever I want (before or after auditions and such)

2) Nobody gets to be mad at me.

So now I'm gonna do whatever I want which is mostly a lot of nothin'.

The End.

Never stand between a blog and a hydrant

2008-09-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm forty. I'm forty until I'm fifty. I like round numbers. It's just so much easier. I'm starting my celebration tonight with some gal pals and then continuing tomorrow night with my beloved. So you know what that means ... bloating.

Look, the battle is to find ways to celebrate without putting on 10 pounds. Councilors and life coaches would suggest finding a way to celebrate various milestones WITHOUT eating. But those people are stupid. Having a nice meal with a cocktail or two is one of my favorite things to do if not my mostest favorite. The truth is, I don't want to change that.

SO ... how do you work that out? Right? Is that what you are asking? Here's what I do and I'm gonna be serious with you for a few sentences:

1) I make sure I'm getting all 8 glasses of water in before or during or after my cocktails. It helps. You will have to pee a lot, but it's worth it. Keeps you from bloating as much. Keeps you flushed (wink, wink). Keeps you from being as hungry. Keeps you from getting too buzzed. ALL plusses.

2) I keep my calories down during the day. I eat. I do not avoid eating as that will accomplish the exact opposite of what I am hoping to accomplish. I just eat tiny portions.

3) I eat every two and a half to three hours which keeps my metabolism humming so that when I DO eat that celebratory cheese and chocolate and wine, my body will process it better and quicker and more thoroughly because my metabolism is revved.

4) I work out. I know you were hoping my plan involved some kind of magic potion or meditation that makes the calories burn faster and more efficiently, but ... I work out. And you may remember from a previous post, I have a weight vest. I wear that mother. I do.

I will still see the number on the scale increase somewhat, but it comes back down much quicker when I do the above.

So listen ... if you can find something to do to celebrate OTHER than have a lovely meal, I suggest doing that. I do it sometimes myself. But if you are more of my mindset and like little better than a taste treat for your indulgence, then just ... take precautions. And then let it go. Cuz guilt and worry are not tasty toppings for your cake and ice cream.

Always avoid: a strange blog and a man who thinks he's wise

2008-09-23T10:21:00.001-07:00

Remember that it's about your health.

I mean, this battle we fight with the scale may not be about YOUR health, but it's about mine for sure and I'm thinking it probably SHOULD be about yours. No?

The reason I bring this up is because when I am feeling cute and pulled together, when I have energy and "mojo" (as my friend Chloe would call it) I don't really focus on my weight or the scale. And I guess there is something really positive about that. But I had pizza last night and now I'm up a pound and a half. And listen, I'm not suggesting you never have pizza. But for me, even when I made the best choice and had a salad and all that, it showed up. I can't be unconscious. EVER. That would make me feel trapped and caged if I didn't keep in mind that it's about my health.

When Matt and I were in Vegas we walked around the strip and went to various other casinos and such. That's not usually our style, but it was necessary this time as The Mirage was not being kind to us in the gambling department. We passed a couple of people who ... walking for them looked like a painful and grueling proposition. They were doin' it. To be completely fair, they were out on the strip in 90 degree weather and they were walking that mo' fo'. But it didn't look fun and it didn't look easy. It made me sweat to watch and it made Matt want to take a nap. We looked at each other and discussed how that really needs to NOT be us in 15 years.

Food is good and yummy. Booze is delightful and mood altering. But being ambulatory is one of the few things that makes life livable.

It's about your health, people. And it's about your mobility. It's worth thinking about daily. Don't gamble on your health. And if you do, don't do it at The Mirage on a weekend.

A reasonable amount of fleas keeps blogs from brooding

2008-09-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

Comfort food.

I have many different foods that I label as comfort food. This weekend it was chicken tacos and margaritas. Mmmm. It sure made life all better.

Remember those auditions I had? I booked one of the jobs. YAY!! So NATURALLY I went online and bought some clothes cuz that's what you do. Right? Friday I felt so relaxed because I didn't have any auditions and I knew I had a job on the horizon. Saturday ... I got released from the job because I had worked on that show last season and I had a fairly substantial role and they felt it was too soon to see my face on the show again.

I went through all the stages of grief. Well ... I skipped Denial and went right to Anger. Oh, I also skipped Bargaining as there was no bargaining to be done and I went from Anger to Depression. I went from Depression to Acceptance and then BACK to Depression. I stayed in Depression with shades of Anger here and there for about a day. Then I went from Depression to Mexican Food.

Here's the thing ... it's not a good thing and I don't recommend it because eating and drinking away my uncomfortable feelings is part of what has gotten me in this overweight mess to begin with. But I sure did feel better.

DO NOT DO THIS! You guys, it's a really sinister habit to get into. But booking that job and then getting unbooked had a layered meaning to me that I won't get into here and I couldn't pop out of it. To be fair, I'm not really out of it today. I'm still struggling a little bit. But my birthday is coming up and I'm gonna have cocktails with my gal pals and that will make a lot of stuff seem better and easier.

Just remember that when you find yourself 20 pounds up on the scale, comfort eating SURELY will not help you deal with that disappointment. So when you are feeling blue, try meditating or hiking or taking a long bubble bath or some such thing instead. That stuff DOES work for me. This time I just needed a refreshing margarita ... or three.

Give a blog a finger and it wants the whole hand.

2008-09-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

When I die I wanna go where blogs go

2008-09-17T08:19:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have one of those days/nights where ... you are really calm about the coming day because it's almost 8 pm and the day is done and you have the next one all planned out and it's planned with some leeway cuz the schedule you have made for yourself is not tight at all? And then ... at 7:50 pm you get a call from your agent? And now you have both an audition and a callback and you are SO thankful for that but your day has been completely shot to sh*t? No? Just me?

So, dear readers and friends, I don't want you to feel as though I am neglecting you for my work, but my mornings have to be about getting my CRAP together since I couldn't face doing it the prior evening when my day was supposed to be done. Sucks for both/all of us, believe me.

I didn't over eat yesterday! So that's something. I worked out on the treadmill for a ridiculously long time. And my back is out today. YAY!! What do they say about life not throwing more at you than you can handle? Lies. All lies. ;)

More tomorrow when I am laid up from back spasms. Anyone else feeling 900 years old right now? Just me?

The blog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage.

2008-09-16T08:11:00.000-07:00

As you may or may not remember, I check in once a month with a councilor to see how my eating is going and weigh in and check up on my general emotional and physical health. She has never once wanted to institutionalize me. Should I mistrust her? Anyhoo ... I told her I was going to Vegas and she wasn't worried about my eating because she was under the impression that there isn't much good stuff to choose from there in Vegas. Well ... OH-EMM-GEE! Turns out some of the biggest and most "rock star" chefs on the planet gravitate to Vegas. The reasoning is (rumored to be) that the casinos offer them the kitchen of their dreams, built to the chef's specifications and the restaurant has to pay it's lease but it never has to make a profit. WHAT?

I cannot begin, really, to explain how much I indulge in Vegas. I smoke too much, I drink too much, I eat too much, I gamble too much, I curse too much, I stare too much, I scratch too much, I burp too much, I shower seldom, I laugh just enough, I walk too little, I sleep too late and I worry not at all. It's why I go. This time ... oy. The food was so good and never ending. DAMN THAT BOBBY FLAY AND HIS CURSED MESA GRILL WITH THE SCRAMBLED EGG AND GOAT CHEESE ENCHILADAS!! And Boa Steakhouse. And BLT Burger. And the buffet at The Mirage. And the booze ... everywhere. How is a girl to maintain her weight in a joint like that?

I will say this. Even though I went to Vegas carrying 10 extra pounds, I looked pretty cute. Too bad we didn't take a camera. HOWEVER ... with me it usually takes three days for that kind of indulging to show up on my body. So the plan was to come home and get busy gettin' busy with my program. But then freakin' LIFE stepped in and now I am spending my morning working on an audition when I should be working out. Uh oh. Do I have my priorities mixed up?

Listen ... the point is ... I CAN go and indulge and I CAN get back to my program after. I don't have to throw the whole thing out the window and revert to bad behaviors on a daily basis. I'll keep you posted on the scale's chiding, but I am not stepping on the scale any sooner than Friday. Gotta give my body a few days to come down from it's high.

Blog show

2008-09-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry kids. I missed yesterday and now I'm goin' out of town until Tuesday (Sept. 17th). I know you'll miss me, but I'll be back with a vengeance after I win a gazillion dollars at the slots. That happens, right?

Vegas, baby. VEGAS!!

A blog is not infected with the concept of "should"

2008-09-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Teach an old blog new tricks.

2008-09-09T08:28:00.001-07:00

I got a weight vest mother chuckers! Damn straight, I did. And it’s doing the job nicely. Here’s why I realized it was a genius thing and decided to get one: When I was much bigger and I worked out everyday, the weight seemed to melt off. As you get more fit, it gets harder to drop weight and I think that’s entirely unfair. With this vest one can add back some of the weight you have dropped and trick your body into thinking you’re not as fit as you have gotten.

Be careful if you decide to go for it because I’m sure there are issues and cautionary tales. I have a screwy back and a screwy neck so I probably should have consulted with someone first. But I used to be much bigger so I figured it wasn’t much different wearing the vest than it was being bigger and I went for it. That and I didn’t want anyone to tell me not to do it cuz I was gonna do it anyway. BUT DON’T YOU DO THAT! As my parents say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” That’s not a good thing to say to your kids by the way, but that’s for someone else’s blog.

A weight vest! There are several different types at several different price points. I just got the one that Valerie Bertinelli uses cuz she talked about it on Oprah and Oprah never lets me down. Amazon has ‘em. I’ll post the link on the website next month (Oct); the Purchaseables page.

OH! And for those of you who don’t treadmill everyday like I do, you can, if you don’t feel all dorky doing it, just wear the thing around all day and that will increase weight loss also. Or … that’s what the pamphlet claims. And if you can’t believe promotional materials about a commercial product, WHO CAN YOU BELIEVE?!

Only a strong minded human appreciates a strong minded blog.

2008-09-08T09:20:00.000-07:00

My life as a blog

2008-09-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

2008-09-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

This one’s for the ladies.

Don’t forget about that crazy looming hunger, bloating and weight gain connected with what I call my monthly “periodical.” So REALLY give yourself a break around this time because if you don’t you WILL end up crying. In fact, you may end up crying no matter what so be nice to yourself.

Remember to drink lots of water as I said the other day. I mean, I said it in reference to something completely different but it holds true. It holds true for a lot of stuff. Got SARS? Have you had enough water? Chicken Pox? Do you need a Brita? And actually … a cocktail is often helpful at this time of the month also. ;) I mean, it certainly doesn’t help with the bloating and water retention, but it SURE AS HELL helps with everything else. Although, you may still cry. Let’s just own it. You’re gonna cry no matter what. It may be in private or it may be over a sad movie or a sad song or a sad clown or a sad sack, but you’re gonna cry. Don’t fight it. Let it flow, sister.

Don’t go nuts and eat everything your hormonal voice demands. But don’t get all hung up either. Just ride it out.

Did I mention drinking water?

The blog represents all that is good in man

2008-09-03T09:46:00.000-07:00

To live long, eat like a cat and drink like a blog.

2008-09-02T00:35:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling you have when you pull out a garment from the closet and you look at it and are trying to WILL it to fit? You know that feeling when you slide those pants on and you are chanting a witch’s spell to force them to fasten? Sometimes they fasten and you smile and then … you let out the air you’ve been holding and you realize you won’t be able to make it through the day without breathing. Right? You ever done this? I’m doing a lot of it lately.

Most people gain weight in the winter when they aren’t gonna be wearing swim suits and skimpy tank tops and what not. Right? Well, I went to Cancun. And that was the beginning of the down slide. On vacation, and I know you’re similar so don’t lie, I don’t count calories and I also don’t care. But when I get back I am SUPPOSED to get back on track. But I have these two lovely friends who have a pool in their backyard. They open their pool to visitors every single weekend. It’s a party every single weekend. There is a grill and bowls of snacks and wine and booze and beer and alcohol and hooch and intoxicating beverages. And it feels like a vacation every single weekend. What do I do on vacation? I do not care. That’s what I do.

Now I’m paying the price. I still think I’m adorable. I just want my cute clothes to fit. The plan for today is to CONTINUE TO DRINK … but work out on the treadmill for an hour and a half or possibly more. When I realize that doesn’t work, I’ll adjust. But isn’t summer for drinking? And Fall? And every season?

I’m just lying to myself so I can soothe my angst. Here’s one thing I know about me. I have to drink 80 ounces of water a day to stay on the downward slope of the weight. Every person is different. I, apparently, retain water for the entire western hemisphere. I have to drink lots of water. If I choose to drink booze instead of or even in addition to the water … I can see the scale go up 3 pounds in an evening due to water retention. Let me explain something, I KNOW when I’m having a delicious cocktail that the scale is gonna go up in the AM. After that first blush of warmness, I do not give a runny poop. It’s only in the AM that I curse my choice.

So I’m gonna enjoy the drink and get off my own back until the drink bores me. It happens. IT DOES! And then I will get all moderate again and get the number on the scale to come back to normalcy. But if that number on the scale continues to upset me I know what to do to make it all seem better … have a cocktail.

Breed not a savage blog

2008-08-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

My blogs are barkin'

2008-08-28T11:07:00.000-07:00

Computer problems have hindered me from taking the time this morning to blog in an acceptable way. Now I am out of time, but I want to share this one little thing.

I'm not getting political cuz that's not what I want this blog to be about. I only include the following two quotes because they are from a strong woman and I think they are appropriate for my "message." The quotes are from Joe Biden's mother. He shared them with the world at the DNC last night. I'm not tryin' to get anyone on the Biden train. If you like him that's your thing. If you don't, I get it. I'm not preaching. These two quotes are from his mother and she's not running for anything. I dug them so much I'm thinking about making them some sort of affirmation even though affirmations seem really squirrely to me.

Here they are:

1 —
"No one is better than you. Everyone is your equal and everyone is equal to you."

How freakin' GREAT is that? We all have value. No one has more value than you do because they have more money, more kids, a bigger house, a flatter stomach or a tighter ass. I mean it! We are each on our own path and my path is as important as someone else's. My path may be twistier and turnier than yours or have hills or be smoothly paved. Who knows. But mine is mine and yours is yours. We may now stop measuring each other by the same old yard stick.

2—
"You are defined by your sense of honor and you are redeemed by your loyalty."

Well, ... can we get back to this? I mean, right now, as women we allow ourselves to be defined (and define ourselves) by the number on the scale, the number of the size or our garment, the number on our birthday card and the number on our paycheck. It's time to touch base with our honor and at the very least, define OURSELVES, regardless of how others define us, by our character.

No?

That and good hair.

Big Beautiful Blog

2008-08-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

Ask a lamppost what it thinks about blogs.

2008-08-26T09:08:00.001-07:00

There was this bad wreck in front of our apartment the other night. By bad, I mean that both cars were totaled and undriveable but no one was hurt. THANK HEAVENS! Right?

It was spooky, that wreck. When we heard it, it just … kept going. We heard three different impacts and we thought it was a pile up of some kind or that someone had gone all PCP and was just smashing into vehicles for the hell of it. When we looked out of our living room window all we could see was one, old four door SUV facing across two lanes that promptly floored it and ran RIGHT into our building. You read that correctly. The car seemed to floor it and run right into our building. Matt and I stood there for a second and thought, “Really?”

We ran down to see if anyone was hurt and there was a cabbie smashed into a light pole so hard his trunk was buckled up so far he couldn’t see out of the front window. He was limping but swore he was fine. How he walked away from that with both legs I will never know.

The gal driving the SUV was tiny. She was 5 feet tall and 90 pounds soaking wet. As we looked around the intersection we couldn’t quite tell how the wreck had happened. It was only the two cars. We originally thought it was at least a four car pile up. No kidding. It was just the two. One poor car had gotten hit that was parked on the road. And then of course … my poor apartment building that was doing nothing at all to provoke such an attack.

Oh, and the best story is this: A young guy came walking up and had this odd look on his face like he maybe thought he was walking in a dream. He said, “You’re not gonna believe this but I’m just walking back to my apartment from moving my car. It was parked right here.” Right here was where the SUV had just barreled over to then hit the building. Meaning, there was an empty space through which the SUV traveled in order to hit the building and five minutes prior to that there had been a car parked there. Oh man. What? Wow. He won the prize for luckiest car that night. Had he been parked there, his car would have been totaled, no doubt. However, my poor building would have been spared.

But what was more astounding than ALL OF THAT … was that I ran down to see if I could help and I had crazy hair, no make up and was wearing my pajama bottoms. I mean … what? Thank GOD I still had a bra on. If anything could have drawn attention from that wreck, it would have been me all crazy haired in PJ bottoms with a T-shirt and no brazziere. I think the cops might even have arrested me had that been the case. You know … for being offensive.

Listen, I am sort of thrilled that I not only went down to check on the drivers of the cars, but then stayed down there and chatted with neighbors for … oh … half an hour WITHOUT MAKEUP AND HAIR! Cuz you know what? I often won’t go downstairs to our mailbox without makeup and hair. But while being sort of thrilled I am also sort of mortified. I am gonna run into these people again. Right? They are my neighbors. And forever, when they look at me, they will see crazy bag lady, pajama bottom person who lives in number four.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. At least I came off like I’m someone who cares about injured drivers so much she doesn’t care if she’s ratty. Right?

Try orderin' somebody else's blog around

2008-08-25T08:42:00.001-07:00

I waited tables for 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS, PEOPLE! And here’s the rub: A) I thought I was pretty good at it when I was doing it because I was able to pay my bills and go to movies and buy cocktails, etc. but I, in fact, was not good at it at all. B) That is not the job for someone with food issues.

Let’s start with A.

I’m not sure how I convinced myself I was a good waitress. I think it’s because I only got suspended once and I kept getting hired when I would apply for a job and I always had money in my pocket. So I convinced myself I was rockin’ it. But while all that was happening I made one third less money than all of my contemporaries and I had continuous waitress nightmares. I had one where I went to work and my “section” was through a door and into a gymnasium. There was one super long table there and it was mine. Oh, but it wasn’t my ONLY table. NO. So I started taking orders and pouring coffee and by the time I got around the table the first person was asking where their food was and I hadn’t even put the order in yet. I go to put the order in and I don’t understand the computer and I’m standing at the computer forever and the waiters behind me are yelling and pushing me out of the way and I can’t get my order placed. I would wake up breathing heavily like I had just run a city block and my sheets were often damp from perspiration. It’s making my stomach hurt just retelling it.

I remember whenever I would quit a day job (because I hated most of them) I would always say, “I can always go back to waiting tables.” But the truth is I don’t think I could. With my newfound enlightenment (that enlightened me to sucking at waiting tables), I don’t think I could make a living at it. I mean, I could scrape by financially maybe, but I would be stressed out and dreading it daily. I would lose sleep. The more stressed I got the more I would eat. It would rule my life.

B) Someone told me once that if you work in a fast food joint long enough, the smell of the hot grease gets to you and you never want to eat fast food again. I had a friend in high school who worked at Dairy Queen (oh, yes) and said she never wanted to see or eat ice cream again as long as she lived. I guess it’s the same principle as your Dad catching you smoking and making you smoke the whole pack. Right? So I thought that principle would apply to restaurants also. But for me, not so much. I love restaurants. I love sitting and having things brought to me. I love not cooking (cuz I’m the Lazy Foodie … remember?) I REALLY love not washing the dishes after cooking. I sometimes like the décor. I often like the way the table looks, like if there’s a candle and pretty glasses. And I love the food. It is rare that I hate something I order in a restaurant. It happens, I’m sure. I just can’t think of the last time.

While I was working in restaurants I kept thinking I would get sick of my shift meal at some point. That also never happened. (a shift meal is the meal you are provided by your job and I think it’s because you work a 6 – 8 hour shift without a true break … or I always worked a 6 – 8 hour shift without a break. Oh and the shift meal is one of only a few choices). I never got sick of my shift meal or the food I was surrounded by. I could never resist it. I would go back to the prep area and grab things off the deck. I would literally grab bites of things off plates before taking them out to the table. I WOULD. I couldn’t resist. If you have an issue with food and eating, I’m thinking working in a restaurant … that makes food … may not be the way to go. It wasn’t for me, anyhow.

I hope I never have to go back to waiting tables, but if I do … I think I’m gonna apply at House of Pies. Mmmmm. NOOOOOOooooooo!!

Every blog deserves one good bite.

2008-08-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

Okay so … you know I love the Olympics. Right? “Love” might be a slight understatement. I’m sort of obsessed with them. I watch and watch and watch. I WILL say that I do believe it gets my heart pumping to watch and I convince myself that I am working off calories in the viewing.

But here’s my suggestion to any and all prospective or aspiring Olympians. If you are focusing for four full years on making an Olympic team, and you think you might actually have a shot at a medal … I would suggest you brush up on the lyrics to The Star Spangled Banner. See what I’m sayin’? Why risk losing all the respect and adoration you just earned by flubbing the lyrics that you are softly singing to yourself under your breath. We can read lips when it comes to this, you know. The camera is TIGHT on you. It’s the world of digital images. Everything is crazy crystal clear. We can see you trying to fake your way through mouthing the lyrics. And it’s not pretty.

And for those of you who don’t even try to mouth the lyrics … try to mouth the lyrics. Make us believe the pride in your country you profess at the end of the race when you are draped in that flag. Just ... make the effort.

I guess that’s the point I wanna make. If I’m trying to tie this up and make it relate to food issues, then … make the effort. I know. It’s a little weak, but if you want it to it can be totally correct and relateable. All you have to do to make this blog work in your mind … is make the effort. Right?

Due to the fact that I am absolutely convinced there are aspiring Olympians reading this blog (read sarcasm), here are the lyrics to The Star Spanlged Banner by Francis Scott Key, 1814:

Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

P.S. … there are three more verses or stanzas or whatever they are called. You ONLY have to know this one.

If you stop every time a blog barks, your road will never end.

2008-08-20T08:52:00.001-07:00

There is very little that motivates me to get on the treadmill more than the freakin’ Olympics. For those of you who don’t watch, consider it.

Oh Emm Gee. Did anyone watch the marathon? I got cramps in my calves and stomach and ass and lungs and ego just WATCHING that freakin’ race. It’s 26 miles of gorgeousness in Beijing that cannot be enjoyed by the runners due to their blurring vision caused by dehydration and all consuming pain. Or that’s what I imagine.

I said to my Matty, “I am always so curious about what draws people to a particular sport. I am curious about how they discovered that running 26 miles without stopping, possibly losing a toenail or two and feeling their own mortality due to scorching pain was the sport for them.” He said, “Yeah.” He didn’t really care about my musings but was being a good partner by pretending to listen. Bless him.

So get this … the Gold Medal winner, a very bony gal from Romania (Constantina Tomescu-Dita) won the race by a VERY wide margin. She ran into the Bird’s Nest in Beijing all by her lonesome and almost finished the last 400 meters before the next runner entered the arena. So she bursts through the tape at the finish line, right? And what does she do? She RUNS over and gets her flag and RUNS her victory lap. Then … she continues to run. She stops now and then for a photo or to give an autograph or for a hug and then … she starts running again. When the cameras cut away to go back to the announcer, she was STILL RUNNING!

Do you get what I’m saying? She ran 26 miles, was CLEARLY hurting, crossed the finish line and kept running and running and running. Listen, at 30 minutes on the treadmill I am ready for a cocktail and a Little Debbie Cake. I stay on longer, but I don’t want to. And when I get OFF the treadmill I don’t then go outside and go for a jog. I don’t jog around my apartment in celebration. I don’t even run a diagnostic on my computer. There is no running after I finish my work out. What is wrong with that gal?

I am Tivoing as much Olympic coverage as my digital recording device can hold so I can watch it as I tread because there is little that is more motivating to me than the reminder of what I am capable of if I were to … want to put my body through a meat grinder.

Only Mad Blogs and Englishmen Go Out in the Noonday Sun

2008-08-19T08:18:00.001-07:00

I’m not afraid of success. I AM, however, afraid of the amount of work it takes to be successful. I am basically lazy. I know what some of you are saying. “Hey, you write a daily blog and you have a massive website that you update monthly and in the meantime you audition like crazy and work the jobs you book and do live shows around town, balance the checkbooks and go to the Laundromat and the UPS store for stamps and do traffic school for your speeding ticket, how can you call yourself lazy?” Well, because I fight it. Just because I don’t let my laziness win doesn’t mean I’m not lazy at my core.

I was having lunch with a friend who does a live show once a month here in Los Angeles and she has invited me to be a part of it. I am very interested because I can pimp out my website. But I am not gonna lie … I got tired just thinking about doing a show every month. I burst out into sweat. I burst out so much I hope she didn’t get any in her eye. I mean the sweat BURST.

Anyhoo … I’ll do it and I’ll end up enjoying it but what I would rather do is sit here in my office and spit out content for my blog and my website continuously. The marketing part and the cajoling people to visit and come back and selling ads and all that, that’s not my bag and it makes me want to take a long nap while Law and Order plays on the TV.

I’ll let you locals know about the show when it happens. But don’t expect me to have a drink with you after. I’ll have to go home and go to bed immediately to sleep it off.

A good blog deserves a good bone.

2008-08-18T08:50:00.001-07:00

What I have to do when it comes to working out is convince myself it’s a luxury. And it IS a luxury. But I guess you could say getting your coochy waxed is a luxury also and it’s not one I look forward to or like … or have ever done. So what I do is tell myself that I GET to work out today and not I HAVE TO work out today. Or I try. Like on the days that I don’t have time to work out I say, “I didn’t get to work out today.” But on the days where I do have time and it’s worked into my schedule I hear myself say, “I still have to work out today.” So I try to catch myself and turn that into something I’m looking forward to just as much as I look forward to my afternoon snack. It works. Not every time, but it works.

That’s good advice for many things. You may remember a few blogs ago I listed things I don’t enjoy doing that I would love to have an assistant do FOR me. Right? I wonder if I can find a way to convince myself that it’s something I GET to do for myself. Like … OH, YAY! I get to walk down to the UPS store and buy some stamps from the slow lumbering zombie employees (not the fast moving “28 Days Later” zombies) who have seen me every month for the last 8 years and always act like they are seeing me for the first time. How delightful that will be. Or … I’m so looking forward to going to the Laundromat! I will have time to read and write and sweat profusely since I can’t leave because if I leave the dryer will mysteriously cut off 10 minutes early and the next time I go to the Laundromat I will see a person who doesn’t speak English when I ask her about it wearing my Elvis Costello Concert T-shirt. That will be something for my diary! (That really happened.) Uh oh. I don’t think I accomplished what I was going for. I was trying to trick my psyche into seeing these things as luxuries. Oops.

Okay, well, I’ll keep at it. I’m sure I can turn it around the same way I did with exercise. Right?